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Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences v.2

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences v. 2
It is often said that at the present time, more juveniles are seeing obese by people in the developed nations. Behind this various reasons and its effect. THIS ISSUE CREATING A MORE PROBLEM FOR THEIR HOME COUNTRIES. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS ABOUT HOW EATING MORE FAST FOODS AND LESS PHYSICAL ACTIVITY LEADS TO VARIOUS HELATH PROBLEMS AND AFFECTS THE ECONOMY OF THAT COUNTRY. TO START WITH VARIOUS CAUSES, FIRST AND FOR MOST REASON OF AN OBESITY IS THE EATING HABITS OF THE TODAY'S GENERATION. TO ELABORATE, NOWADAYS, CHILDREN ARE EATING MORE OUTSIDE OR STREET FOOD LIKE, BURGER, SANDWICH, PIZZAS ETC. BECAUSE THIS FOOD VARITIES ARE HIGH IN PROTEIN AND FAT, IT IS VERY HEAVY FOR THE CHILDREN BODY TO DIGEST AS REQUIRE BY THE BODY. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY AUNT'S SON HE IS A 2 YEAR OLD AND HAS WEIGHT IS FAR MORE THAN HIS AGE. DUE TO HIUS FREQUENT EATING HABITS HIS WEIGHT IS KEEPS ON INCREASING DAY BY DAY THAN REDUCING. THUS THIS KIND OF HABITS MAKES CHILD OVERWEIGHT. ON THE SAME SIDE, THIS PROBLEM HAVE SEVERAL EFFECTS ON AN INDIVIDUAL AS WELL AS GOVERNMENT. THE PRIME EFFECT IS THAT OFFSPRINGS MIGHT DEVEOLOP SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS LIKE, DIABETES, CHOLESTEROL, HEART PROBLEMS. THIS IS DUE TO THE POOR QUALITY FOOD INTAKE. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF THE MEDICAL SURVEY IN THE INDIA SAYS THAT ALL STREET FOOD ARE MADE I LOWER QUALITY OILS WHICH ARE DANGEROUS FOR THE HUMAN BODY. THUS AS THIS EFEECT CONSIDER AS MAJOR EFFECT OF AN OBESITY. TO SUM UP, IT IS SAYS THAT EVERYTHINGS HAS ITS AFFECTS ON OTHER THINGS IN THE SAME WAY, OBESITY ALSO HAS AN NUMEROUS EFFECTS AND REASONS. THIS CAN BE OVERCOME BY AN INDIVIDUAL AND AUTHORITY EFFORTS.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that at the present time, more juveniles are seeing obese by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the developed nations. Behind this various reasons and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
. THIS ISSUE CREATING A MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEM
FOR THEIR HOME COUNTRIES. THIS ESSAY WILL
Did you mean simply "DISCUSS HOW"? You do not need the word "about" here.
DISCUSS ABOUT HOW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EATING
MORE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
AND LESS PHYSICAL ACTIVITY LEADS TO VARIOUS
Possible spelling mistake found.
HELATH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
AND AFFECTS THE ECONOMY OF THAT COUNTRY.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH VARIOUS CAUSES,
FIRST
AND FOR MOST REASON OF AN OBESITY IS THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EATING
HABITS OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S GENERATION. TO ELABORATE, NOWADAYS, CHILDREN ARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EATING
MORE OUTSIDE OR STREET
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
LIKE, BURGER, SANDWICH, PIZZAS ETC.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
Possible spelling mistake found.
VARITIES
ARE HIGH IN PROTEIN AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
FAT
, IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
HEAVY FOR THE CHILDREN BODY TO DIGEST AS REQUIRE BY THE BODY. FOR AN EXAMPLE, MY AUNT'S SON HE IS A
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "2-YEAR"
2 YEAR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OLD
AND HAS WEIGHT IS FAR MORE THAN HIS AGE. DUE TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
HIUS
FREQUENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EATING
HABITS HIS WEIGHT IS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
KEEPS
ON INCREASING DAY BY DAY THAN REDUCING.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
THIS KIND OF HABITS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKES
CHILD OVERWEIGHT.

ON THE SAME SIDE, THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEM
HAVE SEVERAL EFFECTS ON AN INDIVIDUAL
AS WELL
AS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
. THE PRIME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EFFECT
IS THAT
Possible spelling mistake found.
OFFSPRINGS
MIGHT
Possible spelling mistake found.
DEVEOLOP
SERIOUS HEALTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
LIKE, DIABETES, CHOLESTEROL, HEART
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PROBLEMS
. THIS IS DUE TO THE POOR QUALITY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
INTAKE. FOR AN INSTANCE, ONE OF THE MEDICAL SURVEY IN THE INDIA SAYS THAT ALL STREET
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
ARE MADE
I LOWER QUALITY OILS WHICH ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DANGEROUS
FOR THE HUMAN BODY.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
AS THIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
EFEECT
CONSIDER AS MAJOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EFFECT
OF AN OBESITY.

TO SUM UP, IT IS SAYS THAT
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVERYTHINGS
HAS ITS AFFECTS ON OTHER THINGS
IN THE SAME WAY
, OBESITY
ALSO
HAS AN NUMEROUS EFFECTS AND REASONS. THIS CAN
BE OVERCOME
BY AN INDIVIDUAL AND AUTHORITY EFFORTS.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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