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Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local costum and behavior others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural difference Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local costum and behavior others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural difference v. 1
There are those who believe that tourist should adhere to the culture of the country visited while the alternate stance is that the visited state should accept cultural diversity. This essay will discuss both sides of the contentious argument and I will give my own perspective to be that welcoming region should tolerate the diversity in people's way of life. The tradition of a host state should be practiced by incomers as this will lead to a peaceful stay without harassment. Foreigners who maintain the practices of host nations are viewed as people who have regards for the native tradition, thus improves their relationship with the dwellers. Also, these tourists will not be viewed as people with deviant behaviour. Therefore, they will not be maltreated. Abiding to the nation's culture will make their stay enjoyable and can be aided by the inhabitants since they will be regarded as responsible individuals. For instance, studies show that 70% of immigrants who act accordingly to the expectations of the visited country always enjoy a trouble free stay. This portrays the saying that when you are in Rome you act like the Romans. Recipient economy should accommodate differences in the incomers way of life. As this will make them maintain a reputable name. Countries that are perceived as welcoming and non hostile are seen as ideal. Reason being that they acknowledge the individual's own pattern and does not expect them to relegate their culture in the host tradition. This singular act increases the number of immigrants in such regions. Thereby, causing a rise in the number of their workforce and in returns, improves their productivity. For instance, The United Kingdom is viewed as the most accommodating countries since it does not have rigid rules that deprives its visitors the opportunity to practice the believe that they have been used to. This has lead to the influx of a lot of immigrants to their society increasing their production rate. In conclusion, I believe both view has its merit. However, on balance I believe that it is essential that native land allow foreigners to practice their known lifestyle. This will enhance patronage and increase number of visitors to such nations. It is recommended that people should be allowed to live freely where ever they are than to be restricted with the introduction of the new way of life.
There are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that tourist should adhere to the culture of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
visited while the alternate stance is that the visited state should accept cultural diversity. This essay will discuss both sides of the contentious argument and I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective to be that welcoming region should tolerate the diversity in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's way of life.

The tradition of a host state should
be practiced
by incomers as this will lead to a peaceful stay without harassment. Foreigners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
maintain the practices of host nations
are viewed
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have regards for the native tradition,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their relationship with the dwellers.
Also
, these tourists will not
be viewed
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with deviant
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, they will not
be maltreated
. Abiding to the nation's culture will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their stay enjoyable and can
be aided
by the inhabitants since they will
be regarded
as responsible individuals.
For instance
, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 70% of immigrants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
act
accordingly
to the expectations of the visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
always enjoy a trouble free stay. This portrays the saying that when you are in Rome you act like the Romans.

Recipient economy should accommodate differences in the incomers way of life.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them maintain a reputable name.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
that
are perceived
as welcoming and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non hostile
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as ideal. Reason being that they acknowledge the individual's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pattern and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to relegate their culture in the host tradition. This singular act increases the number of immigrants in such regions. Thereby, causing a rise in the number of their workforce and in returns,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their productivity.
For instance
, The United Kingdom
is viewed
as the most accommodating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
since it does not have rigid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that deprives its visitors the opportunity to practice the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. This has lead to the influx of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
immigrants to their society increasing their production rate.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
both view has its merit.
However
, on balance I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is essential that native land
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
foreigners to practice their known lifestyle. This will enhance patronage and increase number of visitors to such nations. It
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
freely
where ever they are than to
be restricted
with the introduction of the new way of life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local costum and behavior others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural difference v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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