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Some people believe that visiters to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome culture differences. Discuss both there views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that visiters to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome culture differences. v. 2
There have been ongoing debates whether outsiders adopt local customs and behavior or not. Some masses think that outsider to other countries should adopt traditional customs as well as behavior whereas few people believe that the host country should welcome other kind of culture. While this approch can be proved different kind of customs and behavior gives knowledge about their culture. I will discuss both view in the subsequent paragraphs. Discussing the first view, the foremost the outsider do not disturb their traditional culture it they follow their core culture because local masses can not copy their customs. Secondly, visiters are enjoying their lifestyle and dress up their customs and clicking the pictures with it. For instance, some areas make stringent law for foreigners to follow their traditional dress and they do not use their own customs. On the flip side, the supporters of the letter view favours various types of culture plays a paramount role for every country because it provide a lot of information about the different kind of culture. Moreover, some local masses adopt their customs as well as behavior and enjoy their lifestyle. Additionally, some masses spending a lot of money on these type of things. Furthermore, traveled feels much comfortable in own customs as well as behavior. To conclude and give my opinion, I would certainly vote for the second opinion. The reason is that although some areas respect various types of culture whereas visiters do not ignore local behavior.
There have been ongoing debates whether outsiders adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that outsider to other countries should adopt traditional customs
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
whereas few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the host country should welcome other kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. While this
Possible spelling mistake found.
approch
can
be proved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
gives knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. I will discuss both view in the subsequent paragraphs.

Discussing the
first
view,
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the foremost the'. Did you mean "foremost the"?
the foremost the
outsider do not disturb their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they follow their core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
masses can not copy their customs.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
visiters
are enjoying their lifestyle and dress up their customs and clicking the pictures with it.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stringent law for foreigners to follow their traditional
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dress and
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
customs.

On the flip side, the supporters of the letter view
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
plays a paramount role for every country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
masses adopt their customs
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and enjoy their lifestyle.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on these type of things.
Furthermore
, traveled feels much comfortable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
customs
as well
as behavior.

To conclude
and give my opinion, I would
certainly
vote for the second opinion. The reason is that although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas respect various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
whereas
Possible spelling mistake found.
visiters
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that visiters to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome culture differences. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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