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Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or kn v.8

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. 8
Nowadays, people are spending a huge amount of money on their entertainment. Youngsters as well as adults prefer spending their spare time, watching movies or sports and listening songs which result in the rise of the entertainment industry. Although, many may consider it a positive phenomena, I totally believe that one should be paid according to their work. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion is drawn. Firstly, entertainment plays a very important role in our daily life. Youngsters are the most influenced one's from this sector, as they try to imitate and copy them. Entertainers are categorised as the highest earners in the society, for example, Sharukh Khan in movies, Sachin Tendulkar in sports and musicians like A. R Rehman and many more earn millions of single events only. On the other hand, players from other sports does not even get recognition in their own country. Also, not everyone in the entertainment industry gets the privilege of earning millions. Some of them work really hard to earn their livelihood. Secondly, entertainers earn much more than other highly educated professionals. Our society needs more of the doctors, engineers and other talented people. They spend their entire lives working hard and still far behind these superstars. For example, astronauts who risk their lives for the sake of the country are also underpaid. Those who bear large responsibilities such as doctors, who give hope to the people and contribute a lot to this society, should receive huge salaries. Furthermore, good incentives will encourage a lot of youngsters to work hard, instead of, wasting time and energy for entertainment. To conclude, entertainers are not offering anything different and their salaries are unjustifiable. Doctors and military officers are sacrificing their lives for the society, so payment of salaries to them should be equally distributed for the harmonious development of the economy.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending a huge amount of money on their entertainment. Youngsters
as well
as adults prefer spending their spare time, watching movies or sports and listening songs which result in the rise of the entertainment industry. Although,
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
consider it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "phenomenon"?
phenomena
, I
totally
believe that one should
be paid
according to their work. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion
is drawn
.

Firstly
, entertainment plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily life. Youngsters are the most influenced one's from this sector, as they try to imitate and copy them. Entertainers are
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
as the highest earners in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
for example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sharukh
Khan in movies,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
in sports and musicians like A. R
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rehman
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more earn millions of single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, players from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sports does not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recognition in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.
Also
, not everyone in the entertainment industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the privilege of earning millions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them work
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn their livelihood.

Secondly
, entertainers earn much more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
highly
educated professionals. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs more of the doctors, engineers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They spend their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
still
far behind these superstars.
For example
, astronauts who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the sake of the country are
also
underpaid. Those who bear large responsibilities such as doctors, who give hope to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and contribute a lot to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, should receive huge salaries.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
incentives will encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
youngsters to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
instead
of, wasting time and energy for entertainment.

To conclude
, entertainers are not offering anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and their salaries are unjustifiable. Doctors and military officers are sacrificing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
payment of salaries to them should be
equally
distributed for the harmonious development of the economy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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