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Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on health and that other measures are required. v.1

Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on health and that other measures are required. v. 1
The recent surveys carried out the most effective way to reform the hygiene level. Whether sport activities are the best way to soar public health is a question that requires careful consideration. In this essay, I will deal with this challenge and on the closer examination discuss both views. The first group have the thinking that sport activities play vital role to reduce the dangerous of some diseases or even they can reform our peril habitats. Approximately, two of third researchers believe that these new undetected problems due to insufficient sport facilities. Because of that, government are the sibling of critics. People insist that the majority districts are deprived of some proper and sufficient facilities in addition managers should take some steps to defeat these problems. On the other cases, the rest people who experienced best facilities have different views. In their opinion, soaring the number of facilities are not the only solution. It is accepted by this group that sport activities have impact on the level of public health but some measures like the role of parents to teach their children to secure themselves or the undeniable effect of social medias are needed to be assembled to improving the level of hygiene level. At the final stage, it should be mentioned it is true that every movement for improving any problems need a dire factors and experts to detect the main purpose of these efforts. Every members of each society have the same duties to suggest or help their people to improve the level of general well-being. Public health level is one of these well-beings that requires co-operation.
The recent surveys carried out the most effective way to reform the hygiene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities are the best way to soar public health is a question that requires careful consideration. In this essay, I will deal with this challenge and on the closer examination discuss both views.

The
first
group have the thinking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities play vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases or even they can reform our peril habitats. Approximately, two of third researchers believe that these new undetected problems due to insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are the sibling of critics.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
insist that the majority districts
are deprived
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proper and sufficient facilities
in addition
managers should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to defeat these problems.

On the other cases, the rest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who experienced best facilities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views. In their opinion, soaring the number of facilities are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by this group that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities have impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of public health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures like the role of parents to teach their children to secure themselves or the undeniable effect of social medias
are needed
to
be assembled
to improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of hygiene level.

At the final stage, it should
be mentioned
it is true that every movement for improving any problems need a dire factors and experts to detect the main purpose of these efforts. Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "member"?
members
of each society have the same duties to suggest or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of general well-being. Public health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
is one of these well-beings that requires co-operation.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on health and that other measures are required. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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