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Some people believe that children are given too much freedom. they feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v.1

Some people believe that children are given too much freedom. they feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1
As the world has progressed and emphasis is laid on other activities outside of school work as well, some consider that this has provided children with a lot of free time which is unproductive. It is a strong belief among some that extra school work should be done in this time. I believe that though children do have a lot of leisure time at their disposal, it should be utilized not in school work but by involving in activities which enhance other aspects of their personality resulting in overall development. Firstly, sporting activities are important for the physical growth of children which should be inculcated in daily routine. It is vital for a child’s development that in addition to the mental activity done via school work, physical activity should also be done. In my opinion, playing any sport in free time serves this very purpose. Not only children develop other interests but stay healthy as well. For example a child who after completing school work also likes to play football would indeed be more physically fit compared to the one who does not. Also it does help in relieving stress after a hefty school day to go out and have some good old-fashioned fun resulting in better mental health. Consequently, social skills also plays a very important role in life and should be taught from early on. The paramount way to achieve this would be encouraging one’s child to mingle socially with others and make friends. Studies have shown that largely people have isolated themselves due to which they suffer from mental ailments. It is incumbent upon us to make sure that our children doesn’t suffer from same. Therefore, I would like to see children going out and indulging in various activities with their friends. What this will do is improve their social skills and would provide them with a strong support system. In conclusion, I strongly feel that though children do have free time but it should be not be utilized by giving extra school work as a sufficient amount is already there. Rather, this free time should be used more productively like playing sports or being socially active resulting in a better overall personality which is essential in life.
As the world has progressed and emphasis
is laid
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider that this has provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is unproductive. It is a strong belief among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be done
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I believe that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their disposal, it should
be utilized
not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by involving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of their personality resulting in
overall
development.

Firstly
, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the physical growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which should
be inculcated
in daily routine. It is vital for a child’s development that
in addition
to the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
done via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should
also
be done
. In my opinion, playing any sport in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
serves this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
purpose. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
stay healthy
as well
.
For example
a child who after completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
likes to play football would
indeed
be more
physically
fit compared to the one who does not.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in relieving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after a hefty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
day to go out and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned fun resulting in better mental health.

Consequently
, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
also
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in life and should
be taught
from early on. The paramount way to achieve this would be encouraging one’s child to mingle
socially
with others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends. Studies have shown that
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have isolated themselves due to which they suffer from mental ailments. It is incumbent upon us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doesn’t suffer from same.
Therefore
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
going out and indulging in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with their friends. What this will do is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and would provide them with a strong support system.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
feel that though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be not
be utilized
by giving extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a sufficient amount is already there.
Rather
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
productively
like playing sports or being
socially
active resulting in a better
overall
personality which is essential in life.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much freedom. they feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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