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some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 8
To a larger extent, I believe that children are given too much free time. Free time in my opinion refers to time not spent under the direct supervision of a parent, teacher or a person entrusted with the responsibility of bringing up the child. Such time is often spent on several things such as watching television, playing with friends, going to parties, doing home work, playing games on their own amongst others. Amongst all of the above, a child could either be influenced by his or her peer group especially when left without attention or be be influenced by what he or she watches on television most of which are those not meant to be viewed by the child’s age group. In my opinion, most of the formative years of a child should be spent doing school work, engaging in recreational activities that would develop the child emotionally and mentally. I believe this strongly because at a young age, a child is quick to grasp most of all that is seen or heard. For instance, a child who is not used to doing more school work usually referred to as house work.
To a larger extent, I believe that children are
given
too much free
time
. Free
time
in my opinion refers to
time
not spent under the direct supervision of a parent, teacher or a person entrusted with the responsibility of bringing up the
child
. Such
time
is
often
spent on several things such as watching television, playing with friends, going to parties, doing home
work
, playing games on their
own
amongst others. Amongst
all of the
above, a
child
could either
be influenced
by
his or her
peer group
especially
when
left
without attention or be
be influenced
by what he or she
watches
on television most of which are those not meant to
be viewed
by the
child’s
age group. In my opinion, most of the formative years of a
child
should
be spent
doing school
work
, engaging in recreational activities that would develop the
child
emotionally
and mentally. I believe this
strongly
because
at a young age, a
child
is quick to grasp most of all
that is
seen
or heard.
For instance
, a
child
who is not
used
to doing more school
work
usually
referred to as
house
work
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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