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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more schoolwork. How do you think children should spend their free time? v.4

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more schoolwork. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 4
I agree that the time children spend on school work offers them more meaningful activities than their idle free time does. However, I also believe that children should be able to decide for themselves how to spend their free time. Children are at the best stage in life to gain knowledge, develop skills and form good learning and social habits. If this precious period is mainly spent on idle activities such as watching TV and playing video games, which are many children's favorite hobbies, they will have to do much more to compete with their peers when they become adults. What can be more worrying about giving children too much free time is the increase in children's behaviour problems. Nowadays it is common for parents to work long hours. The children who often spend time alone after school are more likely to suffer from loneliness and boredom, and develop anti-social behavior. By contrast, not only does school work include listening to lectures and writing reports, it also offers a wide range of interactive activities, such as group discussions and team presentations. These activities can improve children's social and cooperative skills. On the other hand, I believe that children should be given enough freedom in deciding how to use their free time. The skill of managing time properly is as important as doing academic exercises. Providing children with the right to choose what they do after school will also develop their sense of responsibility. With advice from parents and teachers, children can choose meaningful activities for their free time, including art projects, sports and volunteer work. In conclusion, I think that students should be encouraged to spend more time on school work. At the same time, they should be given guidance about how to use their free time properl
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
offers them more meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than their idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
does.
However
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to decide for themselves how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time.

Children are at the best stage in life to gain knowledge, develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
learning and social habits. If this precious period is
mainly
spent on idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as watching TV and playing video games, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children's favorite hobbies, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do much more to compete with their peers when they become adults. What can be more worrying about giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the increase in children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
problems. Nowadays it is common for parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are more likely to suffer from loneliness and boredom, and develop anti-social behavior. By contrast, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
include listening to lectures and writing reports, it
also
offers a wide range of interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as group discussions and team presentations. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
children's social and cooperative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
freedom in deciding how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
properly
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as doing academic exercises. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the right to choose what they do after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
also
develop their sense of responsibility. With advice from parents and teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can choose meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, including art projects, sports and volunteer work.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that students should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
guidance about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
properl
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more schoolwork. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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