Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? Give reasons for your answer and give relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 3
Generally people emphasise more on studies than on extra curricular activities. It is believed by some people that children are getting too much free time, and that time should be used for school work. Whereas, I believe that children should get significant amount of free time for sports, physical activities and to experience and explore their surroundings. Firstly, children should get free time it is very important for their overall development and wellbeing. The children should spend free time by getting engaged in sports and other physical activities, it is important for their physical and mental strength. As they say healthy body is equal to healthy brain. For example, the researches prove that, the children who study all the time lack focus and concentration, whereas the children who get time to play outside have better focus and concentration levels. So, the children should get enough amount of time to play. Secondly, the young minds are very curious and creative, they should be allowed to spend their free time in the activity that they enjoy. For example, some children like to draw or some children are into reverse engineering and they like to de-assemble and assemble their toys and they should be allowed to do all these sort of activities, because they all are enabling them to master some real life skills, like, problem solving, analytical skills etc. It is therefore beneficial for children to study and also spend free time exploring activities they enjoy. To conclude, people think that children should use their free time to do more school work but, I believe they should spend free time playing sports and exploring new things and do the activities they enjoy doing.
Generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
more on studies than on
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for school work. Whereas, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for sports, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and to experience and explore their surroundings.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their
overall
development and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by getting engaged in sports and other physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their physical and mental strength.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they say healthy body is equal to healthy brain.
For example
, the researches prove that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who study all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
lack focus and concentration, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play outside have better focus and concentration levels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play.

Secondly
, the young minds are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
curious and creative, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that they enjoy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to draw or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are into reverse
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
engineering and
they like to
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-assemble
and assemble their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toys and
they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do all
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they all are enabling them to master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
real life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, like, problem solving, analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etc. It is
therefore
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they enjoy.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do more school work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I believe they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing sports and exploring new things and do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they enjoy doing.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts