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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples. v.11

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 11
Children are the future of the nation, therefore people are more inclined towards them to have a check upon what they do throughout the day. There are people who believe that children acquire a lot of time which should be utilised for enhancing their academic scores, however, I hold a strong disagreement with this notion as a complete balance between the academic and personal life is equally important. The believe that students are left with an enormous free span is irrelevant as after dealing with the school hours and then completing homework at home, they hardly get any free slot to do other works. Therefore, they should utilise the available span in doing several other activities like playing and interacting socially which are equally important for their mental and physical development. In addition to this, deterring the students from such activities and scheduling them towards only studies, increase their level of stress, which further causes anxiety and other psychological disorders. Not only this, lack of physical activities, can predispose them to several physiological disorders like obesity, diabetes and blood pressure. To illustrate, a recent study of the Child Healthcare Development suggests that, preventing students from going out and exploring their surroundings hinder their ability to indulge into social interactions and overall behavioural and physiological development. According to me, students should utilise their leisure minutes and hours in exploring their environment. This would not only provide them the opportunity to meet new individuals, but would also help them to engage in several other sports events. This active participation would positively affect their physical health, eventually developing their good mental health. For example, a WHO report suggests that, children who do regular physical task are less disposed to physiological and psychological disorders. To sum up, the notion that children get an enormous free time is unacceptable. Also, in my opinion, they should utilise the available leisure period for going out and working on their physical and social development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the future of the nation,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more inclined towards them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
upon what they do throughout the day. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time which should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for enhancing their academic scores,
however
, I hold a strong disagreement with this notion as a complete balance between the academic and personal life is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

The
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with an enormous free span is irrelevant as after dealing with the school hours and then completing homework at home, they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any free slot to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
works.
Therefore
, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the available span in doing several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities like playing and interacting
socially
which are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development.
In addition
to this, deterring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from such activities and scheduling them towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studies, increase their level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which
further
causes anxiety and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
psychological disorders. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities, can predispose them to several physiological disorders like obesity, diabetes and blood pressure. To illustrate, a recent study of the Child Healthcare Development suggests that, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from going out and exploring their surroundings hinder their ability to indulge into social interactions and
overall
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
and physiological development.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their leisure minutes and hours in exploring their environment. This would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide them the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to engage in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. This active participation would
positively
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health,
eventually
developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental health.
For example
, a WHO report suggests that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
task are less disposed to physiological and psychological disorders.

To sum up, the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an enormous free time is unacceptable.
Also
, in my opinion, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the available leisure period for going out and working on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and social development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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