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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time. Reason and examples. . . . v.10

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time. Reason and examples. . . . v. 10
There are some certain groups of people who think that young children have too much leisure period for themselves and suggest that this particular time should be used to carry out more educational activities. In my opinion, kids already spend too much time in school, and as such, these leaders of tomorrow should be allowed to participate in sports and socialization events. Education is of utmost importance in a child's upbringing, children already spend a lot of time in school learning and acquiring knowledge. As such, the remaining time should be spent on carrying out socialization activities such as drama, singing and dancing. Socialization for a young child is highly important because it creates awareness and open up a child to what the world entails. Presently, most adults do not know how to socialize with other people. But if a child learns this act or virtue at a tender age, it poses a great benefit to such child. For example, I had the opportunity to be among a drama group when I was quite young, presently, I love acting and it is the line of my job. Therefore, partaking in social events instills in one the teamwork ability, sense of individualism, and flair for certain activities. In addition to how young individuals should spend their free time, I would strongly support that sports should be included in their leisure period. Participating in sports such as track events, football, table tennis, volleyball, and basketball mention a few adds crucial merits to children's life. Sports increases one's strength, physique, fitness level, gets rid of health-related diseases, and inspires or motivates a child. For instance, the greatest footballer of all time immemorial, Cristiano Ronaldo, has been playing football at age eleven, and today, he is arguably the world best player. In other words, taking part in sports enables one to find his or her hidden spectacular talent. In conclusion, education is important in a child's life. But, there are some other highly essential activities, children's free period must be spent on which are advantageous to them. Examples include sports and social events such as drama, dancing and singing as these activities instills in them specific lifelong attributes.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children have too much leisure period for themselves and suggest that this particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to carry out more educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion, kids already spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in school, and as such, these leaders of tomorrow should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and socialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Education is of utmost importance in a child's upbringing, children already spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in school learning and acquiring knowledge. As such, the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
on carrying out socialization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as drama, singing and dancing. Socialization for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates awareness and open up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to what the world entails.
Presently
, most adults do not know how to socialize with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learns this act or virtue at a tender age, it poses a great benefit to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, I had the opportunity to be among a drama group when I was quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
presently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
acting and it is the line of my job.
Therefore
, partaking in social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
instills in one the teamwork ability, sense of individualism, and flair for certain activities.

In addition
to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals should spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I would
strongly
support that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be included
in their leisure period. Participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, football, table tennis, volleyball, and basketball mention a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
crucial merits to children's life.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Sport increases" or "Sports increase".
Sports increases
one's strength, physique, fitness level,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
rid of health-related diseases, and inspires or motivates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For instance
, the greatest footballer of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
immemorial, Cristiano Ronaldo, has been playing football at age eleven, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, he is
arguably
the world best player.
In other words
, taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
enables one to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
hidden spectacular talent.

In conclusion
, education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in a child's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
highly
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, children's free period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
on which are advantageous to them. Examples include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as drama, dancing and singing as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
instills in them specific lifelong attributes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time. Reason and examples. . . . v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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