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Some people believe that children are given much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v.1

Some people believe that children are given much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1
It is sometimes argued that children should spend more hour on their educational program and school work. While free day is vital for children to rest, to a large extent, I do believe that they should concentrate more on the school work. Allocating more on educational curriculum has several benefits for children, parents and society. Firstly, students learn more deeply by practicing more. For example, if they write more letters and lectures, including formal, informal, academic and general, they become good writers in a very short period. This can help them to convince employers and find a job more easily in future. Secondly, if children pass their studying period faster, parents spend less, therefore, families can save more and spend on other necessary issues. Finally, it is beneficial for a society to have a well-trained young employee. Further qualifications make job done faster and more accurately. On the other hand, some people would argue that, education and leisure hour should be in balance. They believe that, too much pressure on the students, may lead to opposite results. Furthermore, they trust that free moment is vital for children's health as they need to do physical activities. In addition, leisure time rests pupil's mind and make them ready to continue their studying. However, I can understand that, free time is crucial for children, I would argue that, they should spend more on the educational program. In conclusion, people have different views about studying and leisure activity, but in my opinion, more time should be spent on the school work.
It is
sometimes
argued that
children
should
spend
more hour on their educational program and school work. While free day is vital for
children
to rest, to a large extent, I do believe that they should concentrate more on the school work.

Allocating more on educational curriculum has several benefits for
children
, parents and society.
Firstly
, students learn more
deeply
by practicing more.
For example
, if they write more letters and lectures, including formal, informal, academic and general, they become
good
writers in a
very
short period. This can
help
them to convince employers and find a job more
easily
in future
.
Secondly
, if
children
pass their studying period faster, parents
spend
less,
therefore
, families can save more and
spend
on other necessary issues.
Finally
, it is beneficial for a society to have a well-trained young employee.
Further
qualifications
make
job done faster and more
accurately
.

On the other hand
,
some
people
would argue that, education and leisure hour should be in balance. They believe that, too much pressure on the students, may lead to opposite results.
Furthermore
, they trust that free moment is vital for children's health as they need to do physical activities.
In addition
, leisure time rests pupil's mind and
make
them ready to continue their studying.
However
, I can understand that, free time is crucial for
children
, I would argue that, they should
spend
more on the educational program.

In conclusion
,
people
have
different
views about studying and leisure activity,
but
in my opinion, more time should
be spent
on the school work.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are given much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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