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Some people believe that children are give too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v.1

Some people believe that children are give too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1
Some people argue that children are having to much free time and this time should be spent on more school work. In my opinion, school work is curial for children but free time is essential for the overall growth and development of children. To start with, I do not agree with the view that children get a lot of free time. For instance, Students have to go to school in both morning and afternoon and the average time children spend at school is about 6 hours. Moreover, many parents find tutors to teach their children in the evening. Therefore, spending a lot of time on schoolwork can make children less sociable. Children have not enough time to take a rest, entertain or participate in activities they want. Psychological disease has become popular with children as a result of an unbalance between study time and rest. On the other hand, Leisure time plays an important in children's growth in terms of physical and psychological development. Spare time allows children to relax and engage in activities they like. There are a variety of activities which children can choose in their free time. To meet the physical development needs, outdoor activities, especially sports are the best choice. By encouraging them to play sports, parents can help children to live healthier and protect them from some health problems. Another choice is to learn how to play a new musical instrument like piano or violin. Studies indicated that playing musical instruments not only makes people relax but also boosts the functioning of the brain. All of the examples above show that the benefits of free time are undeniable. To conclude, although school works are useful to children, there are also negative impacts when spending much time on them. Children need both study time and free time for a comprehensive development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are having
Did you mean "too"?
to
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
on more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work is
Possible spelling mistake found.
curial
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is essential for the
overall
growth and development of children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in both morning and afternoon and the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is about 6 hours.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents find tutors to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the evening.
Therefore
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on schoolwork can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less sociable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take a rest, entertain or participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they want. Psychological disease has become popular with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a result
of an unbalance between study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and rest.

On the other hand
, Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in children's growth in terms of physical and psychological development.

Spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax and engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they like. There are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can choose in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the physical development needs, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
especially
sports are the best choice. By encouraging them to play sports, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthier and protect them from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems. Another choice is to learn how to play a new musical instrument like piano or violin. Studies indicated that playing musical instruments not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
boosts the functioning of the brain.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
examples above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are undeniable.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
works are useful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts when spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need both study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a comprehensive development.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that children are give too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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