Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

: Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v.9

: Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 9
Some research shows that inborn characteristics have greater impacts on personal development and personality than experiences people have in life. However, I believe that experiences are the major influence on human development. Undoubtedly characteristics which people are born with play an important role in shaping their future development. For example, if a person was born an introvert it is likely that he or she will always find it hard to make friends and build new relationships, which can limit his or her prospects of success because success is often built on a supportive network of contacts. However, I believe that life experiences are more important in shaping a person’s personality and development. Firstly, experiences can transform inborn characteristics to help people adapt to different situations. For instance, a shy and gentle child who is to experience hardships and violence can learn to be tough to deal with difficulties. Secondly, experiences can enrich inborn characteristics to enhance a person’s development. To explain, if parents discover that their child has a special interest in making money because a child, they can create favourable conditions where the child can learn moneymaking lessons through experiences. In this case, innate characteristics are complemented by experiences; as a result, the child is likely to develop important qualities such as tact, a good sense of judgment, attention to details or perseverance. These qualities create the business acumen that can launch him or her on a successful career later on. In conclusion, although I do not play down the importance of innate characteristics, I believe experiences that one has in life have more important influences on their personalities and development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
have greater impacts on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and personality than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have in life.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are the major influence on human development.

Undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are born
with play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in shaping their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
For example
, if a person
was born
an introvert it is likely that he or she will always find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and build new relationships, which can limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
prospects of success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
success is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
built on a supportive network of contacts.

However
, I believe that life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in shaping a person’s personality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can transform inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
For instance
, a shy and gentle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
hardships and violence can learn to be tough to deal with difficulties.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can enrich inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
to enhance a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, if parents discover that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has a special interest in making money 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, they can create
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
conditions where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can learn moneymaking lessons through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
In this case
, innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
are complemented
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
;
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is likely to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
qualities such as tact, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sense of judgment, attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
or perseverance. These qualities create the business acumen that can launch him or her on a successful career later on.

In conclusion
, although I do not play down the importance of innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
that one has in life have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
influences on their personalities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay : Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts