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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? You should write at least 250 words. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 5
The situations in which a person born has often had more influence rather than the experience one gains in the life. Nevertheless both ways teach human some imperative values, which eventually prove beneficial for them. The following treatise will explicit the reason behind the same and evaluate, which part plays a paramount role in the human persona. The first and foremost reason is the familiar conditions in which an individual born and thus play an essential role in this scenario. The behaviour of people depends upon the circumstance they have seen and grown up. The value of things, management skills, etc. , are among the certain aspects, which an individual learns from an early age and it does not change with the time and experience they take in life. To exemplify this, it can be stated that children who knows, how to be dependant and manage the finance their own, Therefore they will never get fail in the matters of adjustments. On the other side if a person is not familiar with this aspect will feel uncomfortable in such situations such as, paying bills or fees for their academic endeavours with the expense of the social life they enjoy. The another compelling argument in this many things a person can learn only through the experience. The profession they choose, and to sustain in it for long term in depends upon the experiences. These are certain skills which an individual cannot learn and opt for their family. For instance, Many business can be taken into consideration, to run a successful business required both the experience and skills. Children who belong to a business family are often familiar with the skills of management since their childhood, but with the experience in it will turn them into a successful business person. To recapitulate, after contemplating it can be stated that, undoubtedly individual influenced to a certain extent by the circumstances a person born. However the importance of experience cannot be outweighed.
The situations in which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
born has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
had more influence
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
one gains in the life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
both ways teach human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
imperative values, which
eventually
prove beneficial for them. The following treatise will explicit the reason behind the same and evaluate, which part plays a paramount role in the human persona.

The
first
and foremost reason is the familiar conditions in which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
born and
thus
play an essential role in this scenario.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depends upon the circumstance they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and grown up.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
value of things, management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are among the certain aspects, which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
learns from an early age and it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with the time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
they take in life. To exemplify this, it can
be stated
that children who
Did you mean "know"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
knows
, how to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
and manage the finance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
Therefore
they will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fail in the matters of adjustments. On the other side if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not familiar with this aspect will feel uncomfortable in such situations such as, paying bills or fees for their academic
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
with the expense of the social life they enjoy.

The another compelling argument in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. The profession they choose, and to sustain in it for long term in depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. These are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
cannot learn and opt for their family.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
be taken
into consideration, to run a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
required both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Children who belong to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
family are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of management since their childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in it will turn them into a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person.

To recapitulate, after contemplating it can
be stated
that,
undoubtedly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
influenced to a certain extent by the circumstances a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
born.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
cannot
be outweighed
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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