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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.4

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 4
Many scientists believe that genetic characteristics have more influence on the human’s personality than some experiences in life. Although genetics has some effect on our characters, I believe that the influence of life experience is more significant, and the following essay will discuss this in details. On the one hand, it is true that everyone is unique, as they are born with different characteristics. While some people are born with an easy going character, others might be born with a melancholic one. People could not choose their genetic characters, and these characters will develop more as they get adults. Therefore many experts believe that genetic characters have a significant effect on a person’s identity. On the other hand, other people believe that experiences in life have more influence in our life than genetic characters. Communities, family condition, education and work experiences have a deeper effect on a person’s character. For example, a person might be born as a sanguine person, but raise in a broken home family. As a consequence, he could become a pessimistic person when he grew up. Another example is that a man might be a positive person, but as he spent so much time with negative friends, he could become as just one them. In conclusion, I agree that genetic characters have some influence on a person’s personality, but I think that life experiences are giving more significant influence to our personality. Therefore it is important for us to be selective in choosing the place to live, workplace and friends.
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Many
scientists
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believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
characteristics have more
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influence
on the human’s personality than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although genetics has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more significant, and the following essay will discuss this in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, it is true that everyone is unique, as they
are born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characteristics. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are born
with an easy going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
, others might
be born
with a melancholic one.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
could not choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
will develop more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they
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get
adults.
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Therefore
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many
experts
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believe
that
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genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
have a significant effect on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
identity.

On the other hand
, other
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people
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believe
that
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experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
in our
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life
than
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genetic
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characters
. Communities, family condition, education and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
have a deeper effect on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
.
For example
, a
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person
might
be born
as a sanguine
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person
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
raise in a broken home family. As a consequence, he could become a pessimistic
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person
when he grew up. Another example is that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
might be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
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person
,
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but
as he spent
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so
much time with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
friends, he could become as
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just
one them.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
personality,
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but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are giving more significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to our personality.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to be selective in choosing the place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, workplace and friends.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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