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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v.3

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 3
In the present world, science has progressed a lot. Many studies are done on genes and chromosomes to identify human traits. Nowadays it is a debatable matter whether an individual’s personality is acquired genetically or developed by the experiences offered by life. In my opinion, lifetime experiences play a greater role than genes in a person’s development. Inherent traits certainly influence a child. Everyone is born with certain hereditary characteristics. The genes transmit information from generation to generation and they do play a role in shaping the personality and appearance of the child. For example, a child born to dwarf couples will also be a dwarf. Similarly, emotions and behaviour like anger and sensitivity are innate and they have an impact on a person’s development. However, lifetime experiences have a greater influence on the personality of an individual. A person learns a lot from his environment and these experiences often change him. For instance, I was an introvert as a child. But as I moved into a hostel in my teenage I was transformed into a more sociable person. This was because the hostel life required more interaction with others. Therefore, I believe that the innate characteristics can be altered as required by the surrounding environment. Moreover, the progress of an individual depends upon his own hard work and dedication. The child of a successful doctor need not be as successful as his father. Hence the life of an individual has a positive and negative effect on his personality and development. In conclusion, the inborn characteristics have some influence on an individual’s personality and development. However, in my opinion, it is mainly the outlook and appearance that are acquired, and not the personality. The lifetime situations have a major influence on our ability to cope with our circumstances and succeed in life.
In the present world, science has progressed a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
studies
are done
on genes and chromosomes to identify human traits. Nowadays it is a debatable matter whether an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is acquired
genetically
or developed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion, lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
play a greater role than genes in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
development.

Inherent traits
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Everyone
is born
with certain hereditary characteristics. The genes transmit information from generation to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they do play a role in shaping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and appearance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
born to dwarf couples will
also
be a dwarf.
Similarly
, emotions and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
like anger and sensitivity are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
innate and
they have an impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
development.

However
, lifetime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
have a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
learns a lot from his environment and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
him.
For instance
, I was an introvert as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into a hostel in my teenage I
was transformed
into a more sociable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. This was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the hostel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
required more interaction with others.
Therefore
, I believe that the innate characteristics can
be altered
as required by the surrounding environment.
Moreover
, the progress of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
depends upon his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of a successful doctor need not be as successful as his father.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and development.

In conclusion
, the inborn characteristics have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and development.
However
, in my opinion, it is
mainly
the outlook and appearance that
are acquired
, and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. The lifetime situations have a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on our ability to cope with our circumstances and succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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