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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. v.11

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. v. 11
In today's modern world, different studies and research have been conducted which shows that genetics has a great reflection on individual nature and improvement, whereas others believe that experiences in life has a great impact. However, I believe that experience in life matter a lot. Experiences in life can be through travelling or working abroad or by our own mistakes. Firstly, every individual learns many valuable things while visiting places or working overseas because this require more interaction with different kinds of people and with their culture. As a result, persons character can be altered by the surrounding environment where he lives. Moreover, the progress of an individual depends upon his hard work and dedication towards the work. For instance, Sachin Tandukhar, a famous cricket player, he is eminent by the reason of hardworking and devotion towards his work. He was not born as a well-known person. Secondly, people make more mistakes in life. By these mistakes, they are able to find out the way and achieve a great success in life. Practice makes a man perfect. For example, Thomas Edison, an American scientist, he had a learning problems when he was a child. However, he worked very hard by experiencing a lot of mistakes and finally he invented electric power generation, mass communication, sound recording and motion pictures. To sum up, I think that life experience has a great impact on our personality and development rather than inherent characteristics. Thus, life experience brings a maturity and a decision making skills in a person's life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
studies and research have
been conducted
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that genetics has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
reflection on individual nature and improvement, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
impact.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
matter a lot.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can be through travelling or working abroad or by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes.

Firstly
, every individual learns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable things while visiting places or working overseas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
The verb 'require' is plural. Did you mean: "this requires"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this require
more interaction with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and with their culture.
As a result
, persons character can
be altered
by the surrounding environment where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, the progress of an individual depends upon his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication towards the work.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tandukhar
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricket player, he is eminent by the reason of hardworking and devotion towards his work. He was not born as a well-known person.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more mistakes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. By these mistakes, they are able to find out the way and achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect.
For example
, Thomas Edison, an American scientist, he had a learning problems when he was a child.
However
, he worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
by experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes and
finally
he invented electric power generation, mass communication, sound recording and motion pictures.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
impact on our personality and development
rather
than inherent characteristics.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
brings a maturity and a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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