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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v.10

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 10
The increasing scientific focus on people's influences has revealed a major role of personality and development in defining humans. I completely agree this idea and in this essay I will support it with examples. Firstly, the major contribution is probably represented by family. The environment in which we have grown, has surely affected our lives and moreover has left a footprint in our way of being. The same concerns our parents' attitudes and also the behaviour we are taught, as schools we have attended and the cities in which we have lived. This, generally, shapes our development and surely are deepen and rooted in our personality. Secondly, our personality is genetically defined during the embryonic development and even depends on how our organism processes the outer information. For instance, it is scientifically proved that the first years are pivotal in enriching and defining our personality. This is also due in part to the experience we could cram for during the early stages, even if unconscious. On the other hand, also experiences are relevant. Even if research assigns them a minor role, I strongly believe they are crucial, especially as younger. There are many of our daily attitudes that are a reflection of what has affected us as children, experiences that have leapfrogged our consciousness, but are still kept in our memory and directly influence our behaviours. To sum up, although is already proved that the inherited personality and the early stages of development are fundamental influences, experiences also seems to be potentially relevant, since as children all information acquired are due to how we experience the world surrounding us. However, scientific evidences didn't suggest it.
The increasing scientific focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's influences has revealed a major role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in defining humans. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I will support it with examples.

Firstly
, the major contribution is
probably
represented by family. The environment in which we have grown, has
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
moreover
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a footprint in our way of being. The same concerns our parents' attitudes and
also
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
we
are taught
, as schools we have attended and the cities in which we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. This,
generally
, shapes our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
surely
are
Consider using a past participle here: "deepened".
deepen
and rooted in our personality.

Secondly
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
is
genetically
defined during the embryonic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and even depends on how our organism processes the outer information.
For instance
, it is
scientifically
proved that the
first
years are pivotal in enriching and defining our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. This is
also
due in part to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
we could cram for during the early stages, even if unconscious.

On the other hand
,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are relevant. Even if research assigns them a minor role, I
strongly
believe they are crucial,
especially
as younger. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our daily attitudes that are a reflection of what has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
us as children,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
that have leapfrogged our consciousness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in our memory and
directly
influence our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

To sum up, although is already proved that the inherited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and the early stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
are fundamental influences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
also
seems to be
potentially
relevant, since as children all information acquired are due to how we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
the world surrounding us.
However
, scientific evidences didn't suggest it.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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