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Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v.1

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 1
Personality development is one of the important factors in our life. Although characteristics with born have more influence on our personality development, society and family environments have also a greater impact on building personality. Firstly, this essay will discuss about the influence of genetic characteristics and secondly, it will cover up the influence of society and family environments to develop an individual’s personality. On the first hand, genetic characteristics can play a significant role in the development of human personality. Analysis the view of scientists, human could owe some characteristic by born and these characteristics could help him to build his personality in the future. For example, people could be introvert from his childhood. As he is an introvert by born, he tends to ignore the people even his family members. So, it is one kind genetic characteristics which make his personality as like an introvert. On the second hand, society, family, friends are the important terms that could help someone’s to improve his personality. People could be changed his behavior by the influence of social environment. Older citizen of the society can help the younger to build their personality while the family can play some role to change the personality of the family members. For example, one of my friends always face trouble while he wants to talk with unknown person. But our friend circle understands about this matter and we try to help him to remove his shyness. We always encourage him as he could remove this characteristic and develop his personality. Now he becomes more confident to talk with new people. Since he could not face the unknown person, now he can give the presentation in front of unknown audiences. To sum up, it can be concluded that genetic characteristics have the highest influence to develop personality compared to other experiences in someone’s life. But society, friends, family environment could be act as a major role in the development of an individual’s personality. It can be suggested that no matters what are the genetic characteristics, people can develop his personality by the other experiences of his life.
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Personality
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development
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in our life. Although
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characteristics
with born have more
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influence
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
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development
,
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society
and
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
have
also
a greater impact on building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
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genetic
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characteristics
and
secondly
, it will cover up the
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influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
an individual’s personality.

On the
first
hand,
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genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
can play a significant role in the
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development
of human
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personality
. Analysis the view of scientists, human could owe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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characteristic
by born and these
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characteristics
could
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help
him to build his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
in the future.
For example
,
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people
could be introvert from his childhood. As he is an introvert by born, he tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is one kind
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genetic
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characteristics
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
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personality
as like an introvert.

On the second hand,
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society
,
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family
,
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friends
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
terms that could
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help
someone’s to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
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personality
.
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People
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his behavior by the
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influence
of social
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environment
. Older citizen of the
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society
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the younger to build their
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personality
while the
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family
can play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
For example
, one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
always face trouble while he wants to talk with unknown person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our
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friend
circle understands about this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
matter and
we try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him to remove his shyness. We always encourage him as he could remove this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he becomes more confident to talk with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Since he could not face the unknown person,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he can give the presentation in front of unknown audiences.

To sum up, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
have the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
compared to other experiences in someone’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
could be
Consider using a past participle here: "acted".
act
as a major role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. It can
be suggested
that no matters what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
by the other experiences of his life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than other experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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