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ome people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your o v.1

ome people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. 1
Playing with a variety of toys which were bought by the parents is every infants childhood recreation. Although it gives a lot of fun and helps to gain mental ability, there are some challenges like drifting away from the real world activities. In my opinion, having large number of toys helps the juvenile in all round development despite challenges like isolating them from other activities. The main advantage of having a large collection of toys helps to acquire mental strength in a joyful way. It is also the best leisure activity for every child. For example, few toys like a bumble-bee makes children to think creatively in a funnier way. Moreover, Researchers found that children who play with diverse toys have a better growth compared to the children who does not participate in the games. These reasons make parents to encourage their kids and get them involved in different kinds of recreational activities. The main challenge faced in this aspect is it isolates the child and makes them introverts. They live in a fantasy world and get addicted to them forgetting about what is happening around them. Few kids also sulk and does not listen to the parents, which makes it difficult for them to control. They even get distracted from the studies which leads to poor performance in academics. For instance, a child playing with toy car goes around and may hit any obstacles with may cause harm. So these issues should be addressed with the utmost care by every parent before allowing them to play outside. In conclusion, Even though there are a few minor issues involved in playing with a large number of toys, if proper care taken by parents, I believe it has significant benefits which helps to gain mental and physical strength.
Playing with a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is every infants childhood recreation. Although it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fun and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to gain mental ability, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges like drifting away from the real world activities. In my opinion, having large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the juvenile in all round development despite challenges like isolating them from other activities.

The main advantage of having a large collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to acquire mental strength
Consider replacing "in a joyful way" with the adverb for "joyful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a joyful way
. It is
also
the best leisure activity for every child.
For example
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like a bumble-bee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
in a funnier way.
Moreover
, Researchers found that children who play with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have a better growth compared to the children who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
does
not participate in the games. These reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to encourage their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of recreational activities.

The main challenge faced in this aspect is it isolates the child and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them introverts. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a fantasy world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to them forgetting about what is happening around them. Few kids
also
sulk and does not listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it difficult for them to control. They even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from the studies which leads to poor performance in academics.
For instance
, a child playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
car goes around and may hit any obstacles with may cause harm.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these issues should
be addressed
with the utmost care by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
allowing them to play outside.

In conclusion
,
Even though
there are a few minor issues involved in playing with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, if proper care taken by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, I believe it has significant benefits which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to gain mental and physical strength.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay ome people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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