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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.8

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 8
It can be noticed that there is an increasing number of people working as self-employed. This essay is going to reveal and discuss the reasons and disadvantages of this recent phenomenon. This phenomenon can be explained by the fact that people nowadays have easier access to internet. With the advancement of technology, it is not uncommon to see each individual holds a smartphone in one’s hand. As convenient as it seems, one can start off their own business simply on any kind of social media. For those online shops on Instagram and Facebook, this could be a great instance of demonstrating the popularity of online store. Since maintaining a virtual shop does not require people to clean or pay renting fees, with less strings attached, people would like to be self-employed. On the other hand, being self-employed would expose people in a greater risk. When working in a large corporation or company, employees could be safe-guarded by the fact that governments would usually protect their rights via laws. One fine example could be that most, if not all, governments set the law which make sure employers to pay their works salaries on time, if not, they would get caught. Therefore, laws are playing as an important role in governing organisations’ workers. Besides exposing in a huge risk, unstable income could also be another drawback of being as a freelancer. It is undeniable that self-employed people could have a more flexible timetable, however, this could also mean that one could have less work or job to do. As a result, the earnings each month would be unpredictable. If they have a lot customers consume their services or products in a month, of course they would earn more in that month. Likewise, if there are less customers in another month, they would make just a little fortune. To conclude, more people are able to be self-employed are all thank to the greatness of modern technology. However, being as a freelancer would associate with some setbacks. This would possibly be placing oneself in a great risk, and making self-employed workers gain an unstable salaries. Whether self-employed is a good thing or not, it still requires time and evidences to make a sure judgement, let not undermined the potential of it for now.
It can
be noticed
that there is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working as self-employed. This essay is going to reveal and discuss the reasons and disadvantages of this recent phenomenon.

This phenomenon can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have easier access to internet. With the advancement of technology, it is not uncommon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each individual holds a smartphone in one’s hand. As convenient as it seems, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
simply
on any kind of social media. For those online shops on Instagram and Facebook, this could be a great instance of demonstrating the popularity of online store. Since maintaining a virtual shop does not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to clean or pay renting fees, with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun strings is countable.
less
strings attached,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to be self-employed.

On the other hand
, being self-employed would expose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. When working in a large corporation or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, employees could be safe-guarded by the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would
usually
protect their rights via laws. One fine example could be that most, if not all,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
set the law which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure employers to pay their works salaries on time, if not, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught.
Therefore
, laws are playing as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in governing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
’ workers.

Besides
exposing in a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, unstable income could
also
be another drawback of being as a freelancer. It is undeniable that self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could have a more flexible timetable,
however
, this could
also
mean that one could have less work or job to do.
As a result
, the earnings each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
would be unpredictable. If they have
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of customers"?
a lot customers
consume their services or products in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
,
of course
they would earn more in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
.
Likewise
, if there are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun customers is countable.
less
customers in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fortune.

To conclude
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to be self-employed are all thank to the greatness of modern technology.
However
, being as a freelancer would associate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
setbacks. This would
possibly
be placing oneself in a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, and making self-employed workers gain an unstable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "salary"?
salaries
. Whether self-employed is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing or not, it
still
requires time and evidences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sure judgement,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
not undermined the potential of it for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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