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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.6

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 6
Successful career and a sophisticated lifestyle are the two important requirements of the modern world. In recent years, owning a business has gained more popularity over having a job and working in a multinational company. This essay will discuss so as to why being self-employed is not a great career option. First of all, initiating a work requires entrepreneur skills and a hefty investment. Individuals aspiring to own a shop or set up his start-up must have appropriate knowledge and experience of that particular field. Also, a stable financial support is a must for such type of ventures. There is always a risk involved in setting up a employment from scratch, as there are chances of incurring huge financial loss as well as no guarantee of profit leads to frustration. On the other hand, working in a multinational organization is safe and beneficial. A well established company mostly provides all the facilities like Provident funds, mediclaim facilities and gratuity to their employees, providing a financial security in the future. Employees also get advantage of exploring different departments of the office, which helps them to improve their knowledge and experience. There is always a surety of receiving a fixed income at the end of the month for a person doing job. In conclusion, it is certain that due to less risk and a good financial security, people prefer to work for an organisation rather than having their own business. Being self-employed may or may be not proven to be a successful career option but working for a company always works out despite of its odds.
Successful career and a sophisticated lifestyle are the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
requirements of the modern world. In recent years, owning a business has gained more popularity over having a job and working in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This essay will discuss
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
why being self-employed is not a great career option.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, initiating a work requires entrepreneur
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and a hefty investment. Individuals aspiring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a shop or set up his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have appropriate knowledge and experience of that particular field.
Also
, a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for such type of ventures. There is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
involved in setting up
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
employment from scratch, as there are chances of incurring huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
loss
as well
as no guarantee of profit leads to frustration.

On the other hand
, working in a multinational organization is safe and beneficial. A well established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
mostly
provides all the facilities like Provident funds,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mediclaim
facilities and gratuity to their employees, providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security in the future. Employees
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advantage of exploring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
departments of the office, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and experience. There is always a surety of receiving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month for a person doing job.

In conclusion
, it is certain that due to less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to work for an
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
rather
than having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. Being self-employed may or may be not proven to be a successful career option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always works out
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
its odds.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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