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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 5
It is argued that in today's modern civilization people's use to prefer starting their own business, despite been working as a servant of others in an organization, they don't want to be enslaved by their bosses. Besides that, there are a lot of drawbacks of having or starting your own business. First of all, starting yours self entity requires an adequate amount of investment to bring up your business up to some extent level in the market. Being a competitor, is not an easy task and one should have to work hard and put all of the efforts into it, in order to thrive in the modern environment of entities. For Example, if someone's is the owner of the business and don't put any of the new digital strategies to increase the data analytics and productivity, then this business may have to suffer from consequences somewhere may be in the future. That's why it is important to select the type of business strategies which are more modernized and enduring. Secondly, failing in finding the perfect employees for your business may escalate the problems and rather then increase in the margin of the profits, all goes into the loss. In the other words, they went to go bankrupt, if they are holding a huge debt. To conclude, I reckoned that to strive your own business requires modern digitalised business strategy. Apart, from that people don't want to work for someone because employers are now being under the criticism of exploiting employees
It
is argued
that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern civilization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
prefer starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, despite been working as a servant of others in an organization, they don't want to
be enslaved
by their bosses.
Besides
that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drawbacks of having or starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, starting yours self entity requires an adequate amount of investment to bring up your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent level in the market. Being a competitor, is not an easy task and one should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and put
Consider using "all the".
all of the
efforts into it, in order to thrive in the modern environment of entities.

For Example
, if someone's is the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and don't put any of the new digital strategies to increase the data analytics and productivity, then this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from consequences somewhere may be in the future. That's why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to select the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategies which are more modernized and enduring.

Secondly
, failing in finding the perfect employees for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
may escalate the problems and
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
increase in the margin of the profits, all goes into the loss. In the other words, they went to go bankrupt, if they are holding a huge debt.

To conclude
, I reckoned that to strive your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
requires modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategy. Apart, from that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't want to work for someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
employers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being under the criticism of exploiting employees
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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