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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 4
Many people tend to work for themselves rather than work for a company or organization these days. I think this situation can be explained by the advancement of the communication tools and the increasingly intense competition in the job market. One of the reasons is that the tools people used to keep contact with each other are far more convenient and powerful than they were 30 years ago. This means those who work for themselves can inform more people in demand about what they can offer. For example, a self-employed illustrator can paint for his clients the needed artwork through internet communication tool without a company. Another reason is that there are too many applicants who compete for a single job. This is because the university started to educate more students in the last several decades. So that more graduated young adults must make their own life but not all of them are able to find a decent job. This leads to the consequence that some of them have to become self-employed and work in some low-paid industries such as haircuts. To my knowledge, being self-employed has two disadvantages in terms of basic insurance and working skills. Regarding the insurance problem, many young people who work for themselves do not pay for vital insurances such as pension fees. This makes them more sensitive to any economic crisis than those workers who work for multinational companies. Additionally, self-employing workers do not have a supervisor, which means they are more likely to be absent from work or doing jobs without efficiency. For example, many orders for painting illustrations can be delayed because of someone who is self-employed sleeping overtime. In conclusion, the increasing number of self-employed workers in today’s world can be explained by the update of contact technique and the competition for working chances. This kind of working trend has many undesirable flaws.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization these days. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the advancement of the communication tools and the
increasingly
intense competition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market.

One of the reasons is that the tools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
contact with each other are far more convenient and powerful than they were 30 years ago. This means those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves can inform more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in demand about what they can offer.
For example
, a self-employed illustrator can paint for his clients the needed artwork through internet communication tool without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Another reason is that there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applicants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
compete for a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to educate more students in the last several decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that more graduated young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all of them are able to find a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This leads to the consequence that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become self-employed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
low-paid industries such as haircuts.

To my knowledge, being self-employed has two disadvantages in terms of basic insurance and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Regarding the insurance problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves do not pay for vital insurances such as pension fees. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more sensitive to any economic crisis than those workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Additionally
, self-employing workers do not have a supervisor, which means they are more likely to be absent from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
without efficiency.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
orders for painting illustrations can
be delayed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is self-employed sleeping overtime.

In conclusion
, the increasing number of self-employed workers in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the update of contact technique and the competition for working chances. This kind of working trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
undesirable flaws.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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