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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.33

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 33
With an increasing trend of the start-up companies by many young professionals, people find a lot of appealing advantages by being self-employed. In this essay, several main reasons for an increasing number of the self-employment will be discussed, as well as the possible liabilities entailed to such entrepreneurship. Admittedly, as the unemployment rates are increasing in our society, the employment competitions are intensified; thus, a lot of people divert their employment goals. Starting a firm is one of the best methods for them to build their promising careers, and it allows them to have more practical gains such as building a versatile skill set by running a company. Furthermore, advancements in technology allow them to easily access the multiple tools to attain their business goals much more efficiently, whereas the process of providing substantial business deliverables in a large corporation may be tedious due to the internal politics. Yet, there are many risks involved with starting the business. Young entrepreneurs who may lack the insight for the future market status may be prone to make unpremeditated decisions; the consequence related to such decisions may be catastrophic, which may create a situation where their financial status may become insurmountable. Moreover, the amount of effort and the commitment that they have to pay is tremendous. For instance, a work-life balance will be compromised, because being an entrepreneur requires a lot of sacrifice of their personal time as the destiny of the company determines their future finances. To conclude, an increasing number of people are interested in becoming the CEO of their own company as the unemployment rate is increasing and as there are more practical gains that are entailed. However, the risks identified in the previous paragraph cannot be overlooked, as the gravity of the consequences may be unrecoverable.
With an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
trend of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young professionals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
appealing advantages by being self-employed. In this essay, several main reasons for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of the self-employment will
be discussed
,
as well
as the possible liabilities entailed to such entrepreneurship.

Admittedly
, as the unemployment rates are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
in our society, the employment competitions
are intensified
;
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
divert their employment goals. Starting a firm is one of the best methods for them to build their promising careers, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to have more practical gains such as building a versatile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set by running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Furthermore
, advancements in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
easily
access the multiple tools to attain their business goals much more
efficiently
, whereas the process of providing substantial business deliverables in a large corporation may be tedious due to the internal politics.

Yet
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved with starting the business. Young entrepreneurs who may lack the insight for the future market status may be prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
unpremeditated decisions; the consequence related to such decisions may be catastrophic, which may create a situation where their financial status may become insurmountable.
Moreover
, the amount of effort and the commitment that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay is tremendous.
For instance
, a work-life balance will
be compromised
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being an entrepreneur requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sacrifice of their personal time as the destiny of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
determines their future finances.

To conclude
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are interested
in becoming the CEO of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as the unemployment rate is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
and as there are more practical gains that
are entailed
.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
identified in the previous paragraph cannot
be overlooked
, as the gravity of the consequences may be unrecoverable.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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