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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.3

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 3
These days many people opt to be self-employed rather than be employed by an organization. There would be some benefits and drawbacks for this kind of employment. The most important reason that many people want to have their own business is flexibility. For example, they can have flexible working hours beside their daily routines so in this case people can have a sense of freedom. Secondly self-employed person can achieve higher level of self-esteem in terms of independency when they feel they can earn money independently. In other words working without supervision of someone as a boss can make them more self-reliant. As self-employed persons run a business that they are keen on, t¬¬¬hey can immerse themselves in it immensely and consequently they can make more money by their own business rather a fixed salary that a company pays. However, being self-employed can be challenging from another angle as it seems very insecure. For example you cannot expect of fringe benefits such as insurance, bonus that a company provide employees with. Running a business can be quite risky and it can have a negative impact on people's health so they can be found stressed due to bankruptcy. Finally when you start a business you should put pressure on yourself to work longer hours, in this case, social life can be omitted by these person like family relations and friendship. Because of these reasons many people cannot stand this situation. In conclusion having a job for your own can be attractive but very demanding at a same time so it depends on a person's personality and preferences.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to be self-employed
rather
than
be employed
by an organization. There would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks for this kind of employment.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is flexibility.
For example
, they can have flexible working hours beside their daily routines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have a sense of freedom.
Secondly
self-employed person can achieve higher level of self-esteem in terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
when they feel they can earn money
independently
.
In other words
working without supervision of someone as a boss can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more self-reliant. As self-employed persons run a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
that they are keen on,
Possible spelling mistake found.
t¬¬¬hey
can immerse themselves in it
immensely
and
consequently
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
rather
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
pays.

However
, being self-employed can be challenging from another angle as it seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
insecure. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, you".
example you
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
of fringe benefits such as insurance, bonus that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
provide employees with. Running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can be quite risky and it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
be found
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
due to bankruptcy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
you should put pressure on yourself to work longer hours,
in this case
, social life can
be omitted
by these person like family relations and friendship.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of these reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot stand this situation.

In conclusion
having a job for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can be attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
demanding at a same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it depends on a person's personality and preferences.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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