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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.25

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 25
It is a widely held view that the masses prefer to build their own business rather than working under an employer. This has become the latest trend for various advantageous reasons. On the other hand, there are numerous disadvantages as well. To begin with, people tend to do their own work because of two reasons. Firstly, they believe that while doing their own job, they have the chance to earn more as compared to working under any employer. Secondly, it is believed that they can enjoy the freedom of job since they are their own boss and they do not have to actively report to anyone on their job. For example, according to a survey in herald magazine, a person who owns a small store found to be more satisfied and prosper in comparison with the job holder, therefore it has become a fashion to develop a business whether it is small or large. On the contrary, there are some disadvantages which are linked to self employment. People who owns a business are in continuous mental tension of the finances of the work which can potentially affect their physical health. Also, the individual has to act vigilantly as there is also a high chance of betrayal from the employ who is working under him. For instance, there was a report on BBC that 60 percent of the small business holder are being robbed by their employer every year around the world. To recapitulate, while self employment can be the source of extreme profit for one person, on the other hand, it can be a disaster for another, but its pros outweigh its cons.
It is a
widely
held view that the masses prefer to build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
rather
than working under an employer. This has become the latest trend for various advantageous reasons.
On the other hand
, there are numerous disadvantages
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
own
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons.
Firstly
, they believe that while doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they have the chance to earn more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to working under any employer.
Secondly
, it
is believed
that they can enjoy the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
since they are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
boss and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
actively
report to anyone on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, according to a survey in herald magazine, a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owns
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
store found to be more satisfied and prosper
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
holder,
therefore
it has become a fashion to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
whether it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or large.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages which
are linked
to self employment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
Did you mean "own"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'People' should be used.
owns
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are in continuous mental tension of the finances of the work which can
potentially
affect their physical health.
Also
, the individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
act
vigilantly
as there is
also
a high chance of betrayal from the employ who is working under him.
For instance
, there was a report on BBC that 60 percent of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
holder are
being robbed
by their employer every year around the world.

To recapitulate, while self employment can be the source of extreme profit for one person,
on the other hand
, it can be a disaster for another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its pros outweigh its cons.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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