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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.24

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 24
There is a growing trend among people where they prefer to endeavour for themselves rather than working for someone else. Today, a dramatic rise is seen in entrepreneurship and people have started recognizing the benefits of being your own boss. However, everyone is aware of the potential repercussions of being a freelancer, but still a huge craze is seen among people. Some protagonist believe that working from the comfort of home renders the opportunity to spend time with family. With your personal space, one can be less stressed and can focus on things someone wants to do in his life. For instance, as per the report of Mental Health and Disorder Department of India, people who have a business of their own were found be more satisfied in their heart as compared to people who worked for some organization. Therefore, humans are considering to move towards a less stressful activity which can be achieved with self employment. Moreover, ambitious people are not content with regular jobs rather they want to live an exciting life. The idea of owning a company is a great motivator for people to quit their work, they get fascinated by the amount of money one can make. Also, new generation are not afraid of taking risks: in the 2017 survey, more than 23% of university graduates preferred to start a business rather than working for a big company. They considered that the growth of an entrepreneur is more than an employee. So, a surge is seen in the count of people who are self-employed. However, some people opine that there is lack of job security of people without a work and also there is uncertainty in a self owned business. The work given by an organization assures that regular pay will be provided and people can feed their family. There is always a risk associated with entrepreneurship, which is a realistic threat. Thus, there is always a doubt in people's mind about being the boss of your own. To conclude, there are differences in people's opinion on self employment, some consider it as beneficial while others prefer working for someone else. People who perform for themselves are more satisfied and adventurous rather than people who prefer job security.
There is a growing trend among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where they prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
for themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone else.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a dramatic rise is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in entrepreneurship and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
recognizing the benefits of being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss.
However
, everyone is aware of the potential repercussions of being a freelancer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
a huge craze is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "protagonists"?
protagonist
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "believes".
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from the comfort of home renders the opportunity to spend time with family. With your personal space, one can be less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and can focus on things someone wants to do in his life.
For instance
, as per the report of Mental Health and Disorder Department of India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a business of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
were found
be more satisfied in their heart as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organization.
Therefore
, humans are considering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards a less stressful activity which can
be achieved
with self employment.

Moreover
, ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not content with regular jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an exciting life. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of owning a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is a great motivator for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to quit their work, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fascinated by the amount of money one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
Also
, new generation are not afraid of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
: in the 2017 survey, more than 23% of university graduates preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They considered that the growth of an entrepreneur is more than an employee.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a surge is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are self-employed.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that there is lack of job security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without a work and
also
there is uncertainty in a self
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
business. The work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by an organization assures that regular pay will
be provided
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feed their family. There is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
associated with entrepreneurship, which is a realistic threat.
Thus
, there is always a doubt in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mind about being the boss of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

To conclude
, there are differences in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinion on self employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider it as beneficial while others prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone else.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
perform for themselves are more satisfied and adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer job security.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 24

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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