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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.20

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 20
Nowadays many people want to be a freelancer or self-employed instead of working for the company. I believe that freelancing or self-employed is a better statement than others and that is because of the reasons below. First of all, our life purpose is getting changed. They are no longer living and working for the other ' needs and expectations. That is because our society demands high ability day by day and it causes strong competition. People don't accept human nature, but want them to be perfect without emotion. So We decided to focus on right-now happily rather than an unpredictable future that might be happy. Second of all, employment is not stable anymore. The world is not going as planned. The unprecedented virus came out, the stock market is barely collapsed. We can't expect which companies will survive and which are not. People work from home or just lose their jobs. The boundary between unemployed and employee is fading down. This means that we need to prepare our own skills and abilities. For example, I have been working for myself for 4 years. In the beginning, everything was unstable, such as income, benefits. However, I was able to settle down through building a freelancer career and now I get an effect on virus less than others. That is because I can still work from home. On the other hand, It has disadvantages to work that way. It might not easy to be distinguished in the industry, hence it will bring different competition. And working alone, this means that staying home the whole day, some people might get depressed easily with this environment. In conclusion, There have always pros and cons, even though working alone is a futuristic idea for earning money. Regarding that matter, we can inform modern style solutions about disadvantages, such as co-working places, share houses.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be a freelancer or self-employed
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I believe that freelancing or self-employed is a better statement than others and
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, our life purpose is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. They are no longer living and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
needs and expectations.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our society demands high ability day by day and it causes strong competition.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
don't accept human nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
want them to be perfect without emotion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
We decided to focus on right-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
happily
rather
than an unpredictable future that might be happy.

Second of all, employment is not stable anymore. The world is not going as planned. The unprecedented virus came out, the stock market is
barely
collapsed. We can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will survive and which are not.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
work from home or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
lose their jobs. The boundary between unemployed and employee is fading down. This means that we need to prepare our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities.

For example
, I have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for myself for 4 years. In the beginning, everything was unstable, such as income, benefits.
However
, I was able to settle down through building a freelancer career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an effect on virus less than others.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can
still
work from home.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, It has disadvantages to work that way. It might not easy to
be distinguished
in the industry,
hence
it will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
competition. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
alone, this means that staying home the whole day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed
easily
with this environment.

In conclusion
, There have always pros and cons,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
alone is a futuristic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for earning money. Regarding that matter, we can inform modern style solutions about disadvantages, such as co-working places, share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 20

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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