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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.15

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 15
It is argued that most of the people in the competitive world desired to be self-employment rather than employed another business or organisation. I will discuss the key factors that why people plan to be self-employment and the major drawbacks of it. To begin, it is so difficult for people to get a job according to personal choice which related to their majors. The government greatly encourages the young people in self-employment by trained up and funding to start a company. For instance, one of my cousin trained up about poultry and start a poultry farm and become successful in his business. People can eliminate the limitation and can overcome the poverty by self-employment. However, self-employment assists people to work with their passions and increases the job availability in a country. After that the young people run their own corporation such as farming, poultry farm, and handicraft business etc. People are becoming more encourages when they get funding from the states. Hence, people can eliminate the limitation and can overcome the poverty by self-employment. Hence, people are becoming more interested to start their own business rather than employed another company. On the other hand, self-employment people can face a number of challenges in their business. It is usually a risky matter because self-employment people have more responsibility in their business which is related to capital loss. If the self-employment people make much loss in their business than they can go bankrupt. Self-employment people should have knowledge about the perfect marketing strategy. If the people have not information about the demand of the market then they should fail to achieve their goals. Time management also plays a significant role to execute self-business. To sum up, self-employment has more disadvantages than advantages. Because of, self-employment people required to work continuously to sustain their business. So, People should gather data about a business before to start to avoid possible difficulties.
It
is argued
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the competitive world desired to be self-employment
rather
than employed another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. I will discuss the key factors that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan to be self-employment and the major drawbacks of it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job according to personal choice which related to their majors. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
greatly
encourages the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in self-employment by trained up and funding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For instance
, one of my cousin trained up about poultry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a poultry farm and become successful in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can eliminate the limitation and can overcome the poverty by self-employment.
However
, self-employment assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work with their passions and increases the job availability in a country. After that the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
corporation such as farming, poultry farm, and handicraft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming more encourages when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funding from the states.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can eliminate the limitation and can overcome the poverty by self-employment.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
rather
than employed another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
, self-employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face a number of challenges in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It is
usually
a risky matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
self-employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more responsibility in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
which
is related
to capital loss.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the self-employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much loss in their
Use "(business)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
business
than they can go bankrupt. Self-employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have knowledge about the perfect marketing strategy. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not information about the demand of the market then they should fail to achieve their goals. Time management
also
plays a significant role to execute self-business.

To sum up, self-employment has more disadvantages than advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of, self-employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
required to work
continuously
to sustain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should gather data about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to avoid possible difficulties.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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