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Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v.12

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 12
Many people these days decide to work for themselves instead of being employed by others. This essay discusses the reasons for this and also the drawbacks of this choice of career. There are two main reasons why people are choosing to become self-employed. The main one is that people feel motivated to become entrepreneurs. This is because they see running their own businesses as an exciting challenge. For instance, I was bored with my regular job teaching at a school and so I started my own online IELTS teaching company in order to have a more stimulating work day. In addition, running your own business can lead to better long-term career prospects. If you work hard at your business and develop enthusiastically satisfied customers you will be deriving all the benefits rather than passing these on to an employer. Running your own business is not without its drawbacks. The biggest downside is the risk of venturing out on your own. If the business is not successful you will not have an income. For instance, my uncle opened a restaurant, but it turned out his cooking skills were not as good as he thought and he could not attract enough customers to pay all his bills and finally he became bankrupt. As well is this, it can be extremely stressful to run your own business. This can often be due to the lack of resources to help you with issues such as the need to run your own website. In conclusion, many people are venturing out on their own due to their interest in running their own business and believing that they will have a better career. However, it should be kept in mind that this can be risky and stressful. Therefore, this type of career is not suited to all people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days decide to work for themselves
instead
of
being employed
by others. This essay discusses the reasons for this and
also
the drawbacks of this choice of career.

There are two main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing to become self-employed. The main one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel motivated to become entrepreneurs. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
running their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
as an exciting challenge.
For instance
, I
was bored
with my regular job teaching at a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
online IELTS teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in order to have a more stimulating work day.
In addition
, running your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can lead to better long-term career prospects. If you work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and develop
enthusiastically
satisfied customers you will be deriving all the benefits
rather
than passing these on to an employer.

Running your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is not without its drawbacks. The biggest downside is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of venturing out on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is not successful you will not have an income.
For instance
, my uncle opened a restaurant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it turned out his cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
were not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as he
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thought and
he could not attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
customers to pay all his bills and
finally
he became bankrupt.
As well
is this, it can be
extremely
stressful to run your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be due to the lack of resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you with issues such as the need to run your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
website.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are venturing out on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
due to their interest in running their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and believing that they will have a better career.
However
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in mind that this can be risky and stressful.
Therefore
, this type of career is not suited to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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