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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.4

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 4
Scholar behaviour is a big trouble in the majority of countries. This problem can be caused for many reasons such as the lack of emotion’ control, immaturity and weak support familiar, which have many negative consequences. Hence, is essential to cope to this attitude with an educational focus on emotional intelligence and with the participation of the family. Bad conduct is more related with teenagers, because in this age is when people want to be an adult as soon as possible. Therefore, they do not have many regulations in their emotions, since hormones have a strong protagonist, due to their manage many of their attitudes. However, with this behaviour adolescents only show their immaturity and they have not enough attention of their parents. For the previous, in my opinion, the best ways to manage this trouble is with a change in the model education. For example, student’ programs should teach about the control of emotions and about the patience. Teachers should focus on the positive aspects about emotional intelligence, for the reason that this could help to decrease the bullying and the violence. Also, parents should give more attention to children, and do not be only concentrated on their works. In conclusion, the attitudes of students are a real problem in many countries, because this has as a consequence in many cases violence and bullying. For this reason is really important to try to decrease this behaviour with the management of emotions, due to I believe that bad attitudes have their origin in a lack of patience and immaturity.
Scholar
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trouble in the majority of countries. This problem can
be caused
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotion’
control, immaturity and weak support familiar, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Hence
, is essential to cope to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
with an educational focus on emotional intelligence and with the participation of the family.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
conduct is more related with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this age is when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be an adult as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Therefore
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regulations in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
, since hormones have a strong protagonist, due to their manage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
.
However
, with this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
immaturity and
they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention of their parents.

For the previous, in my opinion, the best ways to manage this trouble is with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the model education.
For example
, student’ programs should teach about the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
and about the patience. Teachers should focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects about emotional intelligence, for the reason that this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease the bullying and the violence.
Also
, parents should give more attention to children, and do not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrated on their works.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
of students are a real problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this has as a consequence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases violence and bullying.
For this reason
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to try to decrease this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with the management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotions
, due to I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
have their origin in a lack of patience and immaturity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the cause of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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