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In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.4

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 4
When it comes to problems caused by student behaviour, many schools have had a hard time to dealing with this problem. However, the real causes can be laid on not in school but others. First of all, many students spend most of their time in their school with their friends and teachers. Thus, it can be seen as the problem is caused by relationship with someone related to the school. However, in my opinion, it is more impressive for them to raise mistakenly from their family, especially parents. Among the many problems, action would be found for others who are close to him or her. Making noise or showing offensive action might be made before attending school, at a younger age, since they were able to be provided with an education or carefulness from their parents. To more illustrate my opinion, in my thought, there would be some solutions to solve these problems that students used to make in their school. The reason why they make problems is in before events in their family members, and it would be some habit for them. Thus, schools have to provide them with educational programs such as counselling, and it is required for students not to punish but to give awards if they did good things. It should be more efficient than give punishment about mistaking or making problems. In conclusion, the problems that are caused by students in schools in many countries have to be solved by the program to be able to improve their mind and action and care of their friends, teachers, and others related to them.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to dealing with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
However
, the real causes can
be laid
on not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend most of their time in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with their friends and teachers.
Thus
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is caused
by relationship with someone related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, in my opinion, it is more impressive for them to raise
mistakenly
from their family,
especially
parents. Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, action would
be found
for others who are close to him or her. Making noise or showing offensive action might
be made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, at a younger age, since they were able to
be provided
with an education or carefulness from their parents.

To more illustrate my opinion, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The reason why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their family members, and it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
habit for them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide them with educational programs such as counselling, and it
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not to punish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to give awards if they did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things. It should be more efficient than give punishment about mistaking or making problems.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be solved
by the program to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mind and action and care of their friends, teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
related to them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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