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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. <br> What do you think are the causes of this? <br> What solutions can you suggest? v.10

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. <br> What do you think are the causes of this? <br> What solutions can you suggest? v. 10
Students spend majority of their times in schools and it has proved that school has an undeniable effect on making and developing student’s character. As schools are considered as the second home of students, they are struggling with lots of issues related to students’ behaviors. So, this essay has tried to cover some of sources related to students’ behaviors and also will suggest some impressive approaches to schools to control and eradicate bad behaviors of students. Firstly, it is very important to find all of the aspects which have deep effects on a student mind. As a student is at a young age, home environment, friends and TV programs can affect his character and encourage him to some particular behaviors. In fact, the way that parents interact with each other, directly defines moral and unethical matters for students. For example, a student learns from parents how to behave in a society including how to respect laws or how to be rebellious. In the other hand, students always are interested in intimating their friends as they spend majority of their times with them. Also TV programs have a strong effect on students’ character and in most of cases students make their appearances and develop their behaviors as similar as some popular actors. Therefore, schools are always the first place which face to mention problems and try to tackle with those bad behaviors which have come to existence in students. Secondly, schools should implement some ways together to investigate students’ behaviors. For example, they should develop several meetings with students’ parents to recognize the reason for conflicts. Or as most of students find their friends in the school environment, teachers should monitor the way of interactions between students or encourage them to find good friends by making some small suitable communities in the schools. Ultimately, teachers should spend time to find that which TV programs are in student’s favorite lists and try to show them ethical aspects of those programs and by this way open a clear horizon for them to separate good thing from bad ones. I think, therefore, schools have a critical role to teach moral things to students and they should arrange some more courses related to behavior matters beside the education. However, schools are so alone on this way in most of countries and they should be helped by societies and families as one hand can’t carry a watermelon without helping another hand.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
spend
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their times in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and it has proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has an undeniable effect on making and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
character. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are considered
as the second home of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they are struggling with lots of issues related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this essay has tried to cover
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the sources") or simply say "some sources".
some of sources
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
and
also
will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impressive approaches to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to control and eradicate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
of students.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
Consider using "all the".
all of the
aspects which have deep effects on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
mind. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is at a young age, home environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
can affect his character and encourage him to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. In fact, the way that parents interact with each other,
directly
defines moral and unethical matters for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns from parents how to behave in a society including how to respect laws or how to be rebellious. In the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
always
are interested
in intimating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as they spend
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their times with them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have a strong effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
character and in most of cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their appearances and develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
as similar as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular actors.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are always the
first
place which face to mention problems and try to tackle with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to existence in students.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways together to investigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
.
For example
, they should develop several meetings with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
parents to recognize the reason for conflicts. Or as most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment, teachers should monitor the way of interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
by making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
suitable communities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Ultimately
, teachers should spend time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
that which TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
favorite lists and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them ethical aspects of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and by this way open a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
horizon for them to separate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a critical role to teach moral things to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they should arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more courses related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
matters beside the education.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
alone on this way in
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the countries") or simply say "most countries".
most of countries
and they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by societies and families as one hand can’t carry a watermelon without helping another hand.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. <br> What do you think are the causes of this? <br> What solutions can you suggest? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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