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In many countries, schools have several problems with students’ behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In many countries, schools have several problems with students’ behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
There has been a vast increase in the number of people starting their own businesses over the last decades, even though some achieve good success it might also cause heavy financial risk and stress. As a result, a lot of young people are wondering if they should find a job or start a business on their own. This essay will give you my opinion on the pros and cons of being employed in a company. Starting with the negative sides of working in a company, being self-employed gives an opportunity to have more flexible working hours as well as the responsibility of being charge of your own company. The ability to control your own workday can be a huge positive bonus for people starting their own business, research has shown that one of the most important factors to work satisfaction is to have an influence on your working hours. Additionally, there can be an increased work excitement of having to start your own company from scratch. It also makes the person more responsible in their work and makes them less dependent on others to be successful. These factors are often contradictory to being employed. When looking at the positive features of working in a company, there is often a financial safety and a bigger work environment that can result in further skill development. Employed workers have the benefit of a consistent salary, paid vacation and a safety net if they would get fired. Furthermore, bigger companies often have many people working together, which requires cooperation that can increase and develop the employee’s knowledge and skills. In my experience are these financial safeties and the opportunity to have co-workers some of the most essential factors to get a job and can affect work satisfactory. In conclusion, there are both pros and cons of being employed, although I believe the positive features outweigh the negative ones. Even though flexible working hours and self-independence are good advantages, they do not compete with the positive sides of having financial safety and the opportunity to have co-workers
There has been a vast increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses over the last decades,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
success it might
also
cause heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wondering if they should find a job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This essay will give you my opinion on the pros and cons of
being employed
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Starting with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, being self-employed gives an opportunity to have more flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours
as well
as the responsibility of being charge of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. The ability to control your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
workday can be a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
bonus for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business, research has shown that one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
satisfaction is to have an influence on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.
Additionally
, there can be an increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
excitement of having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
from scratch. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person more responsible in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less dependent on others to be successful. These factors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contradictory to
being employed
.

When looking at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
and a bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment that can result in
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development. Employed workers have the benefit of a consistent salary, paid vacation and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
net if they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired.
Furthermore
, bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together, which requires cooperation that can increase and develop the employee’s knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In my experience are these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safeties
and the opportunity to have co-workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most essential factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
satisfactory.

In conclusion
, there are both pros and cons of
being employed
, although I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
features outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones.
Even though
flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and self-independence are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advantages, they do not compete with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
sides of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
and the opportunity to have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
co-workers
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, schools have several problems with students’ behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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