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In many countries’ schools have server problems with student behaviors. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest. v.1

In many countries’ schools have server problems with student behaviors. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest. v. 1
While it is some people's view that friends should be individuals who share similar opinions, others posit that friendship is better with individuals who disagree with one another sometimes. In my opinion, I think that although being closer to people with like views brings about less disagreement, it is better to have friendships where disputes sometimes occur because this makes the relationship stronger as the parties involved have the opportunity of learning more about themselves. On the one hand, some people insist that relationships thrive when persons in them share the same views because it brings about a no conflict situation. In other words, disagreement is not a trait for a healthy relationship and thus, similarity in ideologies is key when choosing a close friend. They posit that one has too short a life for unnecessary fights and arguments. For example, in marriages, couples who share the same religion and thoughts, tend to have a happier home than the ones who do not. On the other hand, another group of persons opine that it is healthier to have friends who clash on issues because it creates an avenue for partners to learn about themselves thereby making their relationships stronger, and I agree. The reason for this is that a good relationship would never exist without conflict. In fact, it is through arguments that people learn and have a true understanding of their friends. To illustrate, I read an article published in March, 2011 by the Punch Newspaper on friendship. In the article, it was concluded that a relationship without disputes is fake. Thus, it is through clashes that friends are able to express their emotions and true nature. In conclusion, whereas the opinion of people may vary as to whether to have friends who share similar values or the ones that disagree, I consider that the latter view is better since it breeds a stronger and long lasting relationship.
While it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
should be individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
similar opinions, others posit that friendship is better with individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
disagree with one another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that although being closer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
brings about less disagreement, it is better to have friendships where disputes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
stronger as the parties involved have the opportunity of learning more about themselves.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
thrive when persons in them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings about a no conflict situation.
In other words
, disagreement is not a trait for a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
and
thus
, similarity in ideologies is key when choosing a close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
. They posit that one has
Did you mean "to"?
too
short a life for unnecessary fights and arguments.
For example
, in marriages, couples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the same religion and thoughts, tend to have a happier home than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not.

On the other hand
, another group of persons
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "opines"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'opine' is not always incorrect.)
opine
that it is healthier to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
clash on issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates an avenue for partners to learn about themselves thereby making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
stronger, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
The reason for this is
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
would never exist without conflict. In fact, it is through arguments that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn and have a true understanding of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. To illustrate, I read an article published in
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "March 2011".
March, 2011
by the Punch Newspaper on friendship. In the article, it
was concluded
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
without disputes is fake.
Thus
, it is through clashes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are able to express their emotions and true nature.

In conclusion
, whereas the opinion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
similar values or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that disagree, I consider that the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is better since it breeds a stronger and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries’ schools have server problems with student behaviors. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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