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In many countries school have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v.2

In many countries school have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 2
Teachers deal with student misbehavior on a daily basis. There are plenty of researches done by researchers to find out the best way to treat these students, but there is no certainty on these solutions or 100 % successes. Recent studies reveal that the solution depends on some factors which were the causes of student misbehavior. Family condition is the most important factor which have strong impact on student. Students who have alcoholic parent are more likely to cause problem in the schools, since they are freer in the school than home, they show their anger and discord by many ways. For instance, yesterday, Ted talk showed the woman who was manager of school in the Us. She had a student who make school unsafe for other students and their actions have not change the students. They call his parent, punished him, but none of these works have reformed him. Finally, she decided to find the cause of these behaving which was parent rivalry. With that in mind, she decided to make him senior of junior students and surprisingly, it works out. There are other factors such as mental problems, not being assertive and etc. There is, however, no doubt that there is not final solution for student’s misbehavior. There are some approved treatment for some students. First of all, I strongly believe teachers must love student as their children which help student to confront his problem and reform it better. Also, it should be noted that for the rude students, love is not enough and they need punishment. For clown students, speaking with him out of class is useful. To wrap it up, by updating technologies, problem are going to be more complicated, but for misbehaving students, patient and love are the best meanings for teachers and school staff.
Teachers deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
misbehavior on a daily basis. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of researches done by researchers to find out the best way to treat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no certainty on these solutions or 100 % successes. Recent studies reveal that the solution depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors which were the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
misbehavior.

Family condition is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which have strong impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who have alcoholic parent are more likely to cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, since they are freer in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
than home, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their anger and discord by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For instance
, yesterday, Ted talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the woman who was manager of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
. She had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
unsafe for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their actions have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "changed".
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. They call his parent, punished him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
none of these works have reformed him.
Finally
, she decided to find the cause of these behaving which was parent rivalry. With that in mind, she decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him senior of junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
surprisingly
, it works out.

There are other factors such as mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, not being assertive
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. There is,
however
, no doubt that there is not final solution for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
misbehavior.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
There
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
approved treatment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
strongly
believe teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as their children which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to confront his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and reform it better.
Also
, it should
be noted
that for the rude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enough and
they need punishment. For clown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, speaking with him out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is useful.

To wrap it up, by updating technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are going to be more complicated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for misbehaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, patient and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
are the best meanings for teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
staff.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In many countries school have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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