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In many countries school have severe problem with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v.2

In many countries school have severe problem with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 2
Nowadays, students bother schools severely in many countries. Different factors may cause this student’s behavior, nevertheless it is not impossible to apply some measures to refine their action. There are diverse reasons which provoke students to do unpleasant activity. Firstly, with spreading the virtual games, not only are children not able to drain their energy physically, but also, they are leaded to exaggerative reaction in real world. In addition the incapability of teachers in facing technological problem from one side and ability of children to tackle this issues from other side, destroy the limitation between student and teacher, so that hardly do student care to teacher attend to their teachers. Apart from all has been said, new children see more attention in home why usually, with decreasing the number of kids, parents are more sensitive about their children and this fact may make children rude. By the way, there is not any problem which cannot be addressed. Before the punishment, it is more important to rear children and make them ready for school. In other world, Parents should be justified about the upbringing of their kids and struggle to refine their behavior before entering to school. If the protective activities were not adequate, a contemporary encouragement and punishment system should be applied. In fact student should know the consequence of their reaction. Take as an illustration, if a student annoy his/her classmate should be forced to help in compulsory social services or should be occupied to clean with cleaning the landscape of school. In conclusion, it could infer, however diverse parameter may lead student to react in unaccepted way in school, they could be refined by appropriate solution.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
bother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
severely
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
factors may cause this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
behavior,
nevertheless
it is not impossible to apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to refine their action.

There are diverse reasons which provoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do unpleasant activity.
Firstly
, with spreading the virtual games, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not able to drain their energy
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they
are leaded
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
exaggerative
reaction in real world. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the incapability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in facing technological problem from one side and ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to tackle this issues from other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the limitation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that hardly do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
care to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
attend to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. Apart from all has
been said
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more attention in home why
usually
, with decreasing the number of kids, parents are more sensitive about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and this fact may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rude.

By the way, there is not any problem which cannot
be addressed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the punishment, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to rear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In other world, Parents should
be justified
about the upbringing of their kids and struggle to refine their behavior
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If the protective activities were not adequate, a contemporary encouragement and punishment system should
be applied
. In fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should know the consequence of their reaction. Take as an illustration, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
annoy his/her classmate should
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in compulsory social services or should
be occupied
to clean with cleaning the landscape of school.

In conclusion
, it could infer,
however
diverse parameter may lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to react in unaccepted way in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they could
be refined
by appropriate solution.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay In many countries school have severe problem with student behavior. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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