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17. 09. 2017 In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

17. 09. 2017 In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Nowadays, there is a positive trend of improving our life and education plays a vital role in this process. It is believed that the subjects taught in school are too academic and others think it would be more helpful for children to learn about practical training. On one hand, some people argue that academic teaching and practical training are both important educations for children. First of all, academic courses provide profound knowledge which allows students to get more detailed information on subjects. For example, A agronomy students get to know more plants science through academic teachings like plant diseases, plant genetics, fertilizer and just to name of few. Although they don’t go to the agricultural field, they know exactly about the disparity of plants. Hence, academic subjects are really useful for students to gain knowledge. Nevertheless, practical courses also play a significant role in education. Practical training provides a short time to study, which helps students to get a blue-collar worker job faster. Recently, there have been an increasing number of high school students who like to be studying practical training more than academic trainings in Vietnam. For example, students can be a waiter or waitress after a month studying hotel and restaurant management training. Therefore, students depend less on their family financially. However, academic and practical trainings, bring some disadvantages for those who are studying. First of all, learning in academic ways requires students to study for a long time. For instance, a law student must study 5 years before becoming a lawyer and medical students must take 6 years before working in a hospital. In addition, students follow practical subjects will not be ensured to acquire a high position in their career. In conclusion, form my point of view both academic courses and practical subjects are necessary for children. Votes
Nowadays, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend of improving our life and education plays a vital role in this process. It
is believed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
taught in school are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be more helpful for children to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
training.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
teaching and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
educations for children.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses provide profound knowledge which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more detailed information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, A agronomy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
science through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
teachings like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
diseases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plant
genetics, fertilizer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name of few. Although they don’t go to the agricultural field, they know exactly about the disparity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
really
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain knowledge.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses
also
play a significant role in education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
provides a short time to study, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a blue-collar worker job faster. Recently, there have been an increasing number of high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who like to be studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
in Vietnam.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be a waiter or waitress after a month studying hotel and restaurant management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
depend less on their family
financially
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
, bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for those who are studying.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ways requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study for a long time.
For instance
, a law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming a lawyer and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
working in a hospital.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will not
be ensured
to acquire a high position in their career.

In conclusion
, form my point of view both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary for children.

Votes
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 17. 09. 2017 In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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