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17/09/2017 Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host countries should welcome cultural difference. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

17/09/2017 Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host countries should welcome cultural difference. v. 2
Tourism has been thriving since the 1990s in many regions of the planet. Some aver that following local mores and conduct is a necessity. Others argue that locals ought to praise newcomers with their culture. Below both prospects will be discussed in details and author’s opinion will be stated. On the one hand, accepting local customs and behavior brings some benefits. Firstly, it allows a commuter to submerge in a foreign, even alien culture and for many, this is the main goal and attraction of travelling overseas. Secondly, merging with local culture gives an indispensable opportunity to understand it. Today when hundreds of thousands are travelling in the world every day, it may be exceptionally useful because comprehension reduces hostility and biased attitude toward those who represent other cultures. In other words, having new experiences and thrill as well as deeper acceptance of others are the main gains of the prospect. On the other hand, the position that visitors ought to be welcomed by locals has some merits as well. Primarily, tourism is an important source of money for many states. Demonstration of willingness to accept abroad cultures and friendliness toward guests may attract crowds of people and consequently, their money that will fill government’s coffers with dollars and euros brought by foreigners. Additionally, looming globalization requires countries to be more open. In fact, the trend is strong and the process seems to be unstoppable and inevitable. If states refuse to adapt and embrace newcomers’ cultures, they may be thrown aside by the developing world and that means facing economic decline and even complete devastation. Accordingly, the stance allows host countries to attract travelers and their money as well as to evolve into modern and cosmopolitan states. In my opinion, both points of view have their considerable gains and thus conduct of visitors, as well as states' policies, should derive from their motives and reasons.
Tourism has been thriving since the 1990s in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions of the planet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
aver that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
mores and conduct is a necessity. Others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
ought to praise newcomers with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Below both prospects will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and author’s opinion will
be stated
.

On the one hand, accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and behavior brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a commuter to submerge in a foreign, even alien
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, this is the main goal and attraction of travelling overseas.
Secondly
, merging with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
gives an indispensable opportunity to understand it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
when hundreds of thousands are travelling in the world every day, it may be
exceptionally
useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
comprehension
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
hostility and biased attitude toward those who represent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, having new experiences and thrill as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as deeper acceptance of others are the main gains of the prospect.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the position that visitors ought to
be welcomed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Primarily
, tourism is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states. Demonstration of willingness to accept abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and friendliness toward guests may attract crowds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
consequently
, their money that will fill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s coffers with dollars and euros brought by foreigners.
Additionally
, looming globalization requires countries to be more open. In fact, the trend is strong and the process seems to be unstoppable and inevitable. If states refuse to adapt and embrace newcomers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, they may
be thrown
aside by the developing world and that means facing economic decline and even complete devastation.
Accordingly
, the stance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
host countries to attract travelers and their money as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as to evolve into modern and cosmopolitan states.

In my opinion, both points of view have their considerable gains and
thus
conduct of visitors, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
states&
#039; policies, should derive from their motives and reasons.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 17/09/2017 Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host countries should welcome cultural difference. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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