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the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009 summarize the information by selecting and reporting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009
The given pie charts compare the percentage of production of electricity in France and Germany from three different sources such as conventional thermal, renewables and nuclear in 2009. Energy generated from renewable source is further classified into five sub categories such as biomass, hydroelectric, wind, solar and geothermal. Overall, it can be seen that, while Germany produced more electricity from conventional thermal method, nuclear energy was the main power source in France in 2009. To add on, total generation of electricity in Germany was 560 k wh, while France produced 50 billion k wh less electricity in the same year. To begin with in Germany three fifth of the total production of energy was from conventional thermal method in 2009 at 59. 6% and nuclear and renewable sources produced 23% and 17. 4% of electricity respectively. In further classification of renewable sources, biomass generated 39. 3% of electricity, closely followed by wind at 36. 9%. Surprisingly, there was no power generated from geothermal sources. In contrast, France depended more on nuclear sources for electric power at 76% which was almost three quarter of the total production of electricity. More over, hydro electric power was the most efficient source of renewable energy in France at 80. 5%, while energy produced from solar was merely 10. 5%. Interestingly, like in Germany, France also did not depend on geothermal resources.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts compare the percentage of production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in France and Germany from three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sources
such as conventional thermal,
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renewables
and nuclear in 2009.
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Energy
generated from
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renewable
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source
is
further
classified into five sub categories such as biomass, hydroelectric, wind, solar and geothermal.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, while Germany
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produced
more
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electricity
from conventional thermal method, nuclear
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energy
was the main
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power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in France in 2009. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, total generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in Germany was 560 k
Possible spelling mistake found.
wh
, while France
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produced
50 billion k
Possible spelling mistake found.
wh
less
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electricity
in the same year.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with in Germany three fifth of the total production of
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energy
was from conventional thermal method in 2009 at 59. 6% and nuclear and
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renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
23% and 17. 4% of
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electricity
respectively
. In
further
classification of
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renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
, biomass generated 39. 3% of
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electricity
,
closely
followed by wind at 36. 9%.
Surprisingly
, there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
generated from geothermal sources.

In contrast
, France depended more on nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
for electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
at 76% which was almost
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three quarter
of the total production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
. More over,
This word is normally spelled as one.
hydro electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
was the most efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in France at 80. 5%, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
from solar was
merely
10. 5%.
Interestingly
, like in Germany, France
also
did not depend on geothermal resources.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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