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Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 2
It is thought that people should accept unfortunate circumstances while others argue that individuals had better face those challenges. Personally, I agree with the second opinion because this brings us a successful life and the feeling of satisfaction. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people would accept to live with tough circumstances. This is because they fear to risk their current stability to make a change which requires perseverance and sustainable enthusiasm. These days, there are many people who are not satisfied with their current work, but they are afraid of changing their jobs because their recent income is still enough to live, and they are not sure whether the new jobs will bring them a better or poorer salary. As for some parents with two children, the situation will be even worse if their new jobs’ payments are lower because they must earn enough money to bring up their kids. Obviously, accepting those situations keeps people’s life safe and stable. On the other hand, every person should try to face challenging circumstances as this will brings them a feeling of success and happiness. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo used to be poor when he was a child and he always dreamed about being a renowned soccer player. However, football was not popular in his city at that time and everybody believed that poor children like him would definitely accept a life as a blue-collar worker with low income in the future. However, he trained very hard until he was 15, he walked over 30 kilometres from his hometown to Lisbon Capital City to enroll in the City’s football team. After undergoing several harsh exercises, he finally became a member of the team and nowadays, he is one of the most excellent footballers in the world. His hard work has become the inspiration for many people, especially teenagers. Plainly, this has proved that overcoming difficult conditions help people to achieve their goals and improve themselves. In conclusion, embracing tough circumstances may guarantee people’s living at a quite acceptable level but each of us should confront those challenges to live a more meaningful and unregretful life.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should accept unfortunate circumstances while others argue that individuals had better face those challenges.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
us a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and the feeling of satisfaction.

On the one hand, it is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would accept to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with tough circumstances. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they fear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which requires perseverance and sustainable enthusiasm. These days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are afraid of changing their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their recent income is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and they are not sure whether the new jobs will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
them a better or poorer salary. As for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents with two children, the situation will be even worse if their new jobs’ payments are lower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
up their kids.
Obviously
, accepting those situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
safe and stable.

On the other hand
, every person should try to face challenging circumstances as this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
them a feeling of success and happiness.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be poor when he was a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
he always dreamed about being a renowned soccer player.
However
, football was not popular in his city at that time and everybody believed that poor children like him would definitely accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a blue-collar worker with low income in the future.
However
, he trained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
until he was 15, he walked over 30
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
from his hometown to Lisbon Capital City to enroll in the City’s football team. After undergoing several harsh exercises, he
finally
became a member of the team and nowadays, he is one of the most excellent footballers in the world. His
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work has become the inspiration for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Plainly
, this has proved that overcoming difficult conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve their goals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves.

In conclusion
, embracing tough circumstances may guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living at a quite acceptable level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
each of us should confront those challenges to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more meaningful and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unregretful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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