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Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1
Many people in some countries believe that encouraging teenagers to work or travel for a year after finishing high school studies could benefit their future planning. There are advantages and disadvantages of this issue that we can discuss in depth. First of all, the main advantage of having a gap year may help youth discover their real interests. Take my friend Edwin for example, he was aiming to become a photographer after graduating from senior high school. However, after he went to Australia for one-year working holiday. He decided to become a barrister, and he owns a coffee shop now in Japan. Form such example, it demonstrates that young people could find their interests through having a gap year working or travelling. Another advantage of encouraging youth to go having a gap year before starting university studies is that youth can improve language skills by knowing friends from all over the world. For instance, my friend Annie, she went to Japan while she was 19 years old. She met friends from China, Canada, Malaysia and Spain. She started to have an interest in learning Japanese, Spanish, and English. Therefore, now she can speak these languages fluently. Consequently, a gap year experience did help her know more friends and learn different languages. Despite these advantages, there is one possible disadvantage is that they may not have enough knowledges about financial management. Moreover, they may fall into gambling issues. For example, my friend Tony was invited to visit the casino while he went working holiday in Melbourne. He spent all of his money, moreover, he borrowed more than 1 million dollars from his friends. From this case, a gap year adventure may also include some disadvantages of risks. To conclude, although there is possible drawback. Nevertheless, there is not to say that encouraging youth to have a gap year is totally without merit. Parents and young students should be well prepared before starting the adventure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries believe that encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to work or travel for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after finishing high school studies could benefit their future planning. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of this issue that we can discuss in depth.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
discover their real interests. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
Edwin
for example
, he was aiming to become a photographer after graduating from senior high school.
However
, after he went to Australia for one-year working holiday. He decided to become a barrister, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a coffee shop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in Japan. Form such example, it demonstrates that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could find their interests through having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
working or travelling.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to go having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university studies is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from all over the world.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
Annie, she went to Japan while she was 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. She met
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from China, Canada, Malaysia and Spain. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to have an interest in learning Japanese, Spanish, and English.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she can speak these languages
fluently
.
Consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
experience did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her know more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages.

Despite these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there is one possible disadvantage is that they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
about financial management.
Moreover
, they may fall into gambling issues.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
Tony
was invited
to visit the casino while he went working holiday in Melbourne. He spent all of his money,
moreover
, he borrowed more than 1 million dollars from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. From this case, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
adventure may
also
include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

To conclude
, although there is possible drawback.
Nevertheless
, there is not to say that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is
totally
without merit. Parents and young students should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting the adventure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Topic: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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