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The charts below the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts below the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
In this World, there is a lot of people who live in hunger. However, there are lots advances made in agriculture. This essay will discuss two causes why many people around the world go hungry. As well as this the suggestions for this. There are many causes for people being starved. Firstly, there is a high food price, as the production cost involved is high. Secondly, because of the bad weather crop was not grown with time. Finally, farmer are not able to buy the agriculture machineries for producing the most amount of food. In addition to this, some people using the farming land for the development of factories which damages the cultivation land around it. For example, in India last year because of HUD-HUD cyclone, costal area got effected badly, as a result of that all the crop land which are grown are gone waste. Thus, these factors lead to starvation. However, if government releases fund to farmer for buying machineries needed for agriculture, he can produce more amount of food than the actual amount and moreover, if it should provide low rate of interest to farmer for buying pesticides and fertilizers. And also it should restrict people building factories around the cultivation area. For example, In India farmer use traditional methods for farming because of lack of money. Thus, these suggestions can solve the issue. To conclude, this essay is arguing why pupil goes hungry despite of advances made in cultivation. This essay discussed two causes for starvation and also suggested the solution for it.
In this World, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in hunger.
However
, there are lots advances made in agriculture. This essay will discuss two causes why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world go hungry.
As well
as this the suggestions for this.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being starved
.
Firstly
, there is a high food price, as the production cost involved is high.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather crop was not grown with time.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the agriculture
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
for producing the most amount of food.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the farming land for the development of factories which damages the cultivation land around it.
For example
, in India last year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of HUD-HUD cyclone,
Possible spelling mistake found.
costal
area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
effected
badly
,
as a result
of that all the crop land which
are grown
are gone
waste.
Thus
, these factors lead to starvation.

However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
releases fund to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
for buying
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
needed for agriculture, he can produce more amount of food than the actual amount and
moreover
, if it should provide low rate of interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
for buying pesticides and fertilizers. And
also
it should restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
building factories around the cultivation area.
For example
, In India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
traditional methods for farming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of money.
Thus
, these suggestions can solve the issue.

To conclude
, this essay is arguing why pupil goes hungry
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
advances made in cultivation. This essay discussed two causes for starvation and
also
suggested the solution for it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The charts below the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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