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The charts below shows the main reasons for study among students of differen age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts below shows the main reasons for study among students of differen age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
The workout is a vital part of our daily routine and makes one healthy. In this technological era, most of the employed individuals do not get enough time for the physical exercises in a day and due to such schedule, they have to face many health issues like obesity and cardiac problems. This essay will discuss the reasons, why most of the people are unable to spare the time to do the same and remedies that can be adopted to solve the problems. To begin with, the trending work-culture have forced the masses to adopt sedentary lifestyle due to long working hours and the cut-throat competition in the organisations, one is heading over the others to get the promotions. Many of them spend huge hours travelling to their workplace resulting in the knee problems. For instance, the statistics by the World Health Organisation shows that, the people consistently indulging in exercises render the double productivity. Secondly, most of the working parents like to spend the free time with their children rather than, to indulge themselves into strenuous exercises. As shown by some study that, watching the movie and hanging out together will give more relaxation to the mind and soul. Evidently, individuals do not get the time to do less or no physical training to keep themselves fit. On the other hand, there are many ways to deal with the upcoming problems. Firstly, the employers can deploy the gym activities in the workplace and should make it compulsory for every individual. Secondly, it should be the responsibility of the municipal corporation to provide every citizen with equipped parks in the locality, so that, an individual will be influenced to do the physical exercise like yoga, walk in such open areas. For an illustration, the report of the health ministry shows that, performing daily healthy routine will keep them away from many diseases and increases the life span. Thus, it is evident that, people should indulge themselves in the physical activities to be healthy. To conclude, although there are many reasons that inhibit one to adapt the healthy regime, the solutions to overcome the same should not be ignored, and if the employers and local administration will join their hands together they can assure the healthy life-culture to every working person and it will be advantageous for all concerned
The workout is a vital part of our daily routine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. In this technological era, most of the employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
in a day and due to such schedule, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues like obesity and cardiac problems. This essay will discuss the reasons, why most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unable to spare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do the same and remedies that can
be adopted
to solve the problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the trending work-culture have forced the masses to adopt sedentary lifestyle due to long working hours and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, one is heading over the others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the promotions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them spend huge hours travelling to their workplace resulting in the knee problems.
For instance
, the statistics by the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consistently
indulging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
render the double productivity.
Secondly
, most of the working parents like to spend the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children
rather
than, to indulge themselves into strenuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. As shown by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
study that, watching the movie and hanging out together will give more relaxation to the mind and soul.
Evidently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do less or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to deal with the upcoming problems.
Firstly
, the employers can deploy the gym activities in the workplace and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it compulsory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
Secondly
, it should be the responsibility of the municipal corporation to provide every citizen with equipped parks in the locality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will
be influenced
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like yoga, walk in such open areas. For an illustration, the report of the health ministry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, performing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
routine will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and increases the life span.
Thus
, it is evident that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should indulge themselves in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities to be healthy.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that inhibit one to adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
regime, the solutions to overcome the same should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, and if the employers and local administration will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their hands together they can assure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life-culture to every working person and it will be advantageous for all concerned
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The charts below shows the main reasons for study among students of differen age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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