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Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others says that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others says that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1
Some schools of thoughts assert that the major environmental issues of this epoch, is the disappearance of specific types of plants and wildlife. While, other people claim that there are many other critical scenarios relating to the ecosystem. On the one hand, the deforestation, industrial deep mining, the Urbanization of humans are the major factors, which makes this a more pressing situation. This attack on the biodiversity, is somehow also affects the mankind. For instance, according to a recent research, which revealed that there was a multitude of Herbs which was used in medicine, were no more exist. So, it is a huge loss for us as well as pharmaceutical industries. Furthermore, people kill animals and they are sending them to different markets to make drugs which is not suitable for humans. Because of this attitude, there are many viruses and bacterias are growing which were consumed by that creature, they are spreading epidemic diseases. On the other hand, the rising with the temperature of the globe due to carbon dioxide, whose major sources are vehicle and air conditioners. This leads to the depletion of the Ozone layer and a global warming happens. As a repercussion, the glaciers melt and then, the flood and the tsunami comes, which create a catastrophic situation everywhere. For example, the scientists have shown the melting of Arctic zone is the biggest reason in the scarcity of a polar ice bear. To conclude, the loss of natural habitat, and the other climatic problems, they are equally important and we cannot overlook any one of them. I personally believe that, both of them correlate with each other, the disturbance come in any of them also affects other to some extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
schools of thoughts assert that the major environmental issues of this epoch, is the disappearance of specific types of plants and wildlife.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
critical scenarios relating to the ecosystem.

On the one hand, the deforestation, industrial deep mining, the Urbanization of humans are the major factors, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this a more pressing situation. This attack on the biodiversity, is somehow
also
affects the mankind.
For instance
, according to a recent research, which revealed that there was a multitude of Herbs which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in medicine, were no more exist.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is a huge loss for us
as well
as pharmaceutical industries.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
kill
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
animals and
they are sending them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
markets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
drugs which is not suitable for humans.
Because of this
attitude, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viruses and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bacterias
are growing which
were consumed
by that creature, they are spreading epidemic diseases.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the rising with the temperature of the globe due to carbon dioxide, whose major sources are vehicle and air conditioners. This leads to the depletion of the Ozone layer and a global warming happens. As a repercussion, the glaciers melt and then, the flood and the tsunami
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
, which create a catastrophic situation everywhere.
For example
, the scientists have shown the melting of Arctic zone is the biggest reason in the scarcity of a polar ice bear.

To conclude
, the loss of natural habitat, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
climatic problems, they are
equally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we cannot overlook any one of them. I
personally
believe that, both of them correlate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, the disturbance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in any of them
also
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others says that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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