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Some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Others say that there are more important environmental problems Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Others say that there are more important environmental problems 1
The population of the world is increasing day-by-day as a result, the number of people nearing their age of retirement is also increasing. This raises a debate among many citizens on whether people should retire after 60 or they should still keep working till they desire. In my opinion, most people over 60 should retire, and enjoy the rest of their lives peacefully. In this essay I will shed more light on my views regarding the same. The most significant challenge due to rising population is unemployment. This is because, if the aged people still keep working after their retirement age, their jobs would remain occupied for a longer duration of time. As a consequence, a young lad would not get this employment opportunity. To illustrate this point, one developing country has 40000 new teachers graduating every year and 15000 teachers retire every year. Now if the retiring teachers decide to keep their jobs for a few more years. The result of this would lead to unemployment for new graduating teachers. As the old ones get aged, their health in most cases is going to deteriorate. However, in many industries, a lot of jobs are labour based. So if the old ones stick to their jobs after the age of 60, they would not be able to do their jobs as efficiently as they were doing 20-25 years ago. Therefore, in this scenario too, a youngster would definitely be a better choice for jobs that require physical fitness. To conclude, the belief that if people would be allowed to work after their retirement age, it would for sure cause issues. And as I discussed above, working after 60 would result into a lot of problems for the newer generation.
The population of the world is increasing day-by-day
as a result
, the number of
people
nearing their
age
of retirement is
also
increasing. This raises a debate among
many
citizens on whether
people
should retire after
60 or
they should
still
keep
working till they desire. In my opinion, most
people
over 60 should retire, and enjoy the rest of their
lives
peacefully
. In this essay I will shed more light on my views regarding the same.

The most significant challenge due to rising population is unemployment. This is
because
, if the aged
people
still
keep
working after their retirement
age
, their
jobs
would remain occupied for a longer duration of time. As a consequence, a young lad would not
get
this employment opportunity. To illustrate this point, one
developing country
has 40000 new teachers graduating every
year
and 15000 teachers retire every
year
.
Now
if the retiring teachers decide to
keep
their
jobs
for a few more years. The result of this would lead to unemployment for new graduating teachers.

As the
old
ones
get
aged, their health
in most cases
is going to deteriorate.
However
, in
many
industries,
a lot of
jobs
are
labour
based.
So
if the
old
ones
stick to their
jobs
after the
age
of 60, they would not be able to do their
jobs
as
efficiently
as they were doing 20-25 years ago.
Therefore
, in this scenario too, a youngster would definitely be a better choice for
jobs
that require physical fitness.

To conclude
, the belief that if
people
would be
allowed
to work after their retirement
age
, it would for sure cause issues. And as I discussed above, working after 60 would result into
a lot of
problems for the newer generation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the main enviromental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals Others say that there are more important environmental problems 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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