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Some people say that the environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. v.1

Some people say that the environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1
Some people say that the environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. It is said by some that the global trouble of our nature nowadays is an extinction of some species of living things. At the same time other have another view which holds that there are increasingly important ecological issues. According to some scientific studies the destruction of any of the kinds of plants, then animals will affect the imbalance of the entire system as a whole. It means that such can lead to damage of people’ population, which is the main problem, I think. On the hand, there are people who hold the view that the loosing of a population of organisms is a major issue. It happens due to several reasons. Firstly is hunting, since prehistoric times people get pleasure from killing of animals, but if earlier they did it for feeding themselves so nowadays they bother about theirs trophies and it is made for fun. Secondly is an unavoidable factor - natural selection which possible in environment. Thirdly is a natural disasters as a result of changing of climate. Recently global fires in Australia leaded to decrease of once saved typical for this area unique species of livings. Deforestation will lead to the disappearance of its inhabitants. From another point of view, is considered that there is a more significant terrible question in terms of ecology. It includes, for example, global warming, air pollution, lack of drinking water. Another case, world wars that happened in the last millennium killed millions of life’s. To sum up, disappearance of living things more seriously because it leads to damage ecosystem at all. On the other hand, despite the statistics on the number of deaths from wars todays population is leveled off and increased. In fact, such problem as global warming, air pollution are not fatal because it allows a large number of people to live.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that the environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular of plants and animals. Others say that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental problems.

It
is said
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
trouble of our nature nowadays is an extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of living things. At the same time other have another view which holds that there are
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ecological issues. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific studies the destruction
Consider simply using "of" instead.
of any of
the kinds of plants, then animals will affect the imbalance of the entire system as a whole. It means that such can lead to
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
population, which is the main problem, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

On the hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the view that the loosing of a population of organisms is a major issue. It happens due to several reasons.
Firstly
is hunting, since prehistoric times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure from killing of animals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if earlier they did it for feeding themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nowadays they bother about theirs trophies and it
is made
for fun.
Secondly
is an unavoidable factor
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
natural selection which possible in environment.
Thirdly
is a natural
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "disaster"?
disasters
as a result
of changing of climate. Recently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
fires in Australia leaded to decrease of once saved typical for this area unique species of livings. Deforestation will lead to the disappearance of its inhabitants.

From another point of view,
is considered
that there is a more significant terrible question in terms of ecology. It includes,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming, air pollution, lack of drinking water. Another case, world wars that happened in the last millennium killed millions of life’s.

To sum up, disappearance of living things more
seriously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to damage ecosystem at all.
On the other hand
, despite the statistics on the number of deaths from wars
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
population
is leveled
off and increased. In fact, such problem as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming, air pollution are not fatal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people say that the environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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