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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 7
Most of the people agree to the fact that Music is a best method to connect people from various cultures and generations. In my view, I would agree to this point strongly. This essay give detailed explanation for my support towards this point. Firstly, music has no language barriera and has no validity. Though, people from different parts of the world have their own enique sound style, yet connected by a common factor called music. Some people believe that music is not only for entertainment but also a stress reliever. Moreover, each culture has their own beats and rythms, which comes under some genre category followed across the globe. For example, Thriller album by Michael Jackson is not only enjoyed by English Speaking Country but also in many native language speaking countries. Consequently, another reason for its connecting factor is feeling their own aura through music. On the other hand, irrespective the age group, music always will on impact on them. A family occasions are often celebrated by playing songs from movies, albums and enjoy their time. However, the younger ones will be attracted more towards rock, elder people prefer melody but all these generatione come under a common tree called music. For instance, Musical festival is one of the places where you can witness the people from age 7 to 70 enjoying themselves. Being said that the concerts also bring people from various cultural destinations and age groups. Also, it is believed that music increases the bonding between the people belonging in the communty. To conclude, music reduces the diversity among the globe through its values. Although, there are some other ways to connect people like social networks, movies, etc but these peaceful system is what considered to be the best.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best method to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various cultures and generations. In my view, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this point
strongly
. This essay give detailed explanation for my support towards this point.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has no language
Possible spelling mistake found.
barriera
and has no validity. Though,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
enique
sound style,
yet
connected by a common factor called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever.
Moreover
, each culture has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beats and
Possible spelling mistake found.
rythms
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genre category followed across the globe.
For example
, Thriller album by Michael Jackson is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoyed by
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English Speaking
Country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
native language speaking countries.
Consequently
, another reason for its connecting factor is feeling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
aura through music.

On the other hand
, irrespective the age group,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
always will on impact on them. A family occasions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
celebrated by playing songs from movies, albums and enjoy their time.
However
, the younger ones will
be attracted
more towards rock, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer melody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all these
Possible spelling mistake found.
generatione
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under a common tree called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
, Musical festival is one of the places where you can witness the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from age 7 to 70 enjoying themselves.
Being said
that the concerts
also
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various cultural destinations and age groups.
Also
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
increases the bonding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
communty
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the diversity among the globe through its values. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other ways to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like social networks, movies, etc
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these peaceful system is what considered to be the best.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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